Well, now for something real and something you can believe. I'm afraid and worried about going back into hospital and the few days after when I can't remember who I am. Admittedly, those are the days when I appreciate your prayers most because I have no strength in me to do it myself, so thank you.
The last few days have been hard with the anticipation of the hospital admission and the Bleomycin and for the first time, I found myself pretending I was ok when I really wasn't. I don't know how to tell you how I really feel because it's difficult even for me to understand. I know full well that this is a refining process and that God is using this to bring me closer to him because at times I feel him really close. But even if I didn't feel him near, I have known him long enough to know that every bit of suffering makes it easier to trust God and believe in his perfect will and timing. However, knowing that in your head and even in your heart doesn't make it any easier. And ridiculous as it sounds, especially with the tons of folk who are praying for me all over the place, at times this weekend, I've felt really alone.
I know that ultimately I'm not alone because God is with me all the time, but it is a feeling all the same. I also feel frustrated that once again my life is on hold and I can't do very much. In fact, the more chemo I get, the less I'll be able to do. Frustrating though it is, I know God's changing me from a Martha to a Mary and, like Jonathan said to me tonight, discipline is painful but it's beneficial in the long run. I know when I finally get to Japan and look back at this whole experience I'll be thankful because I'm sure this is equipping me for something God wants me to do in the future. But that doesn't make it any easier.
Tonight I was really upset and ended up putting it on something that was superficial and that, when I finally calmed down and thought about it, was a totally ridiculous notion. But really, this stupid notion was just the last straw for the weekend and I was just bottling my fear and anxiety about the coming week. Praise the Lord for Miriam who always manages to make me see sense and remember the truth I already know! I should've just faced it and not let it accumulate so that I wouldn't let something stupid upset me more than it should've. Pfff.
So you see, I'm not really all that brave, strong, amazing, or whatever great adjective you want to add in here. I'm just doing what I have to do because I trust and know it is all for the best and the greater good, but like I've already said, it doesn't make any of this easy. This is, however, the first time I've been upset since I heard I may have cancer and may have to have a hysterectomy. But that can only be a good thing. Now that I've admitted it, I can move on and draw even closer to God. It's one less barrier between me and him. I know this week will be hard, but I also know God will be with me. That's what makes it all bearable.
April 30, 2006
April 29, 2006
Keep Praying
Woo! Another great devotion today! So good, I had to share it. Hope is encourages you to persevere in prayer:
"Elias was a man subject to like passions as we are" (James 5:17).
Thank God for that! He got under a juniper tree, as you and I have often done; he complained and murmured, as we have often done; was unbelieving, as we have often been. But that was not the case when he really got into touch with God. Though "a man subject to like passions as we are," "he prayed praying." It is sublime in the original--not "earnestly," but "he prayed in prayer." He kept on praying. What is the lesson here? You must keep praying.
Come up on the top of Carmel, and see that remarkable parable of Faith and Sight. It was not the descent of the fire that now was necessary, but the descent of the flood; and the man that can command the fire can command the flood by the same means and methods. We are told that he bowed himself to the ground with his face between his knees; that is, shutting out all sights and sounds. He was putting himself in a position where, beneath his mantle, he could neither see nor hear what was going forward.
He said to his servant, "Go and take an observation." He went and came back, and said--how sublimely brief! one word--"Nothing!"
What do we do under such circumstances?
We say, "It is just as I expected!" and we give up praying. Did Elijah? No, he said, "Go again." His servant again came back and said, "Nothing!" "Go again." "Nothing!"
By and by he came back, and said, "There is a little cloud like a man's hand." A man's hand had been raised in supplication, and presently down came the rain; and Ahab had not time to get back to the gate of Samaria with all his fast steeds. This is a parable of Faith and Sight--faith shutting itself up with God; sight taking observations and seeing nothing; faith going right on, and "praying in prayer," with utterly hopeless reports from sight.
Do you know how to pray that way, how to pray prevailingly? Let sight give as discouraging reports as it may, but pay no attention to these. The living God is still in the heavens and even to delay is part of His goodness.
--Arthur T. Pierson
Each of three boys gave a definition of faith which is an illustration of the tenacity of faith. The first boy said, "It is taking hold of Christ"; the second, "Keeping hold"; and the third, "Not letting go."
"Elias was a man subject to like passions as we are" (James 5:17).
Thank God for that! He got under a juniper tree, as you and I have often done; he complained and murmured, as we have often done; was unbelieving, as we have often been. But that was not the case when he really got into touch with God. Though "a man subject to like passions as we are," "he prayed praying." It is sublime in the original--not "earnestly," but "he prayed in prayer." He kept on praying. What is the lesson here? You must keep praying.
Come up on the top of Carmel, and see that remarkable parable of Faith and Sight. It was not the descent of the fire that now was necessary, but the descent of the flood; and the man that can command the fire can command the flood by the same means and methods. We are told that he bowed himself to the ground with his face between his knees; that is, shutting out all sights and sounds. He was putting himself in a position where, beneath his mantle, he could neither see nor hear what was going forward.
He said to his servant, "Go and take an observation." He went and came back, and said--how sublimely brief! one word--"Nothing!"
What do we do under such circumstances?
We say, "It is just as I expected!" and we give up praying. Did Elijah? No, he said, "Go again." His servant again came back and said, "Nothing!" "Go again." "Nothing!"
By and by he came back, and said, "There is a little cloud like a man's hand." A man's hand had been raised in supplication, and presently down came the rain; and Ahab had not time to get back to the gate of Samaria with all his fast steeds. This is a parable of Faith and Sight--faith shutting itself up with God; sight taking observations and seeing nothing; faith going right on, and "praying in prayer," with utterly hopeless reports from sight.
Do you know how to pray that way, how to pray prevailingly? Let sight give as discouraging reports as it may, but pay no attention to these. The living God is still in the heavens and even to delay is part of His goodness.
--Arthur T. Pierson
Each of three boys gave a definition of faith which is an illustration of the tenacity of faith. The first boy said, "It is taking hold of Christ"; the second, "Keeping hold"; and the third, "Not letting go."
Hair loss with a vengeance!!
Hello! I'm sorry I've disappointed so many boys by looking pretty much the same with any hairdo. I can't help it. I did narrow down all the wigs I tried to the one I chose and a red one, but the one I chose was a lot lighter so that it wouldn't irritate my scalp during the summer. I went for practicality, if anyone wants to know. They also didn't have any curly wigs, so I couldn't just find one that was like my old hair. However, when my hair grows back, Andrea, my friend who's a punk, will have free reign over it, so hopefully then I can satisfy your crazy hairdo needs. I'm happy though, and my family's happy, so I think that's all that matters. :-P
Anyway, abosolutely loads of hair has fallen out, but I do have loads of hair left. I got my mum to take these pictures so you could see it:
Anyway, abosolutely loads of hair has fallen out, but I do have loads of hair left. I got my mum to take these pictures so you could see it:
April 28, 2006
Wig shopping
So, I've done it! And I tried on a blonde one just so you could see it. And there were no blonde mohicans, so sorry Pete! This is the one I decided on. I'm tired in the photo, so I'm not as happy looking, but I really am happy with the wig. My brother really likes it too. :-)
April 26, 2006
Hair update
Well, I've been molting all day like a cat and yes, I have been pulling my hair out... Well, it's not really pulling since my hair is all loose anyway... I'm not as traumatised as you'd expect. I'm fine about it actually. Don't know how I'm going to feel when I'm bald, but it's nice knowing it'll grow back.I may not actually get my wig on Friday as they don't stock a lot of black. Maybe I'll just go with brown? Who knows? I know loads of you want me to go blonde, but come on, who actually expected me to do that?! Ok, I guess Pete did, but he'll just have to be disappointed in me. I will, however, see if I can try one on for fun and take a picture, which I'll post on here. Hope that'll satisfy you.
April 25, 2006
Hair loss
Woohoo! My hair has now fallen out in a big clump!! I have a wee bald patch on the left side of my head. Now I feel justified in getting a wig. :-)
Injection 2
Phew! Well, it was totally fine yesterday. I didn't even flinch at the sight of the needle and the only side effects were tiredness and aching legs like you get with a virus. I just took some paracetamol and went to bed early. The only bad thing was that I had to wait till half 3 to get it. Ah well. I just went to Henry's inbetween and continued with my Japanese writing. Oh, I decided to learn to read and write Japanese. It's something to do with my time and I need to anyway. I've only learned 10 characters in Hiragana. Just another 36 for Hiragana and 46 for Katakana to go. Eek! Well, like the book says, if Japanese kids can do it, then I don't really have an excuse. :-) In Japan, I'll probably have to the 2000 or so Kanji if I want to read the newspaper or books. Goodness! Maybe I'll just read books for children under 12...
Anyway, I'm fine today. I'll probably go to the ladies bible study tonight. Oh, I forgot to say. I've made an appointment to get a wig on Friday. And my hair has started to fall out, but only random strands. It's annoying. I've totally geared myself up to be bald and it's just not happening yet. Ah well. Maybe more will fall out next time... Only I would complain about not being bald... :-S
Well, I'm going to go make some banana bread...
Anyway, I'm fine today. I'll probably go to the ladies bible study tonight. Oh, I forgot to say. I've made an appointment to get a wig on Friday. And my hair has started to fall out, but only random strands. It's annoying. I've totally geared myself up to be bald and it's just not happening yet. Ah well. Maybe more will fall out next time... Only I would complain about not being bald... :-S
Well, I'm going to go make some banana bread...
April 24, 2006
Sunday
I had a really nice day today. Marji and I had a fancy lunch at Bouzy Rouge cos I decided to treat myself. It was scrumptious and we had a really good chat about stuff. It's nice to have days like that. :-) But the best thing about today was the sermon at church. I swear, the more I learn about God, the more I can't help but love him.The sermon was on Genesis 5 - we're going through the book of Genesis, you see. It's a genealogy from Adam to Noah, focussing particularly on getting to Noah so tons of folk are missed out. Now you may ask, how can a someone get a sermon from a geneaology? Well, Matt, my pastor, looked at the meanings of the names in the geneaology seeing as in the past, names were given because of what they meant and not just cos they sounded nice. This happens loads in the Old Testament, so you may have already figured out for yourselves.... Anyway, look what the names mean and what it spells out:
Adam - Man
Seth - Appointed
Enosh - Mortal
Kenan - Sorrow
Mehalel - The blessed God
Jared - Shall come down
Enoch - Teaching
Methuselah - His death shall bring
Lamech - The despairing
Noah - Rest and comfort.
It all reads: Man appointed mortal sorrow. The blessed God shall come down teaching his death shall bring the despairing rest and comfort. Coincidence? I think not!! How about that? Even a geneaology points to Jesus! Amazing! You can check the names out for yourselves in Hitchcock's Bible Names dictionary.
There was also a bit about Enoch, Methuselah, the flood and God's mercy, but it's way too complicated for me to write about here. Plus, it would just be too long, but if you want to ask, I'll try and explain, or I could just get a CD of the sermon for you. :-)
I've been so struck by God's mercy, his grace and his long-suffering over the last couple of days anyway. He's so desperate to know us and to save us that he's even going to send angels to evangelise during the great tribulation! (Rev 14.6-16) Even while pouring out his wrath, he still will offer a chance to repent and know him!! Amazing grace indeed! I can't take it in...
April 22, 2006
God Knows
Hey! Here's another good one. I like the old fashioned ones!
"He knoweth the way that I take" (Job 23:10).
Believer! What a glorious assurance! This way of thine--this, it may be, a crooked, mysterious, tangled way--this way of trial and tears. "He knoweth it." The furnace seven times heated--He lighted it. There is an Almighty Guide knowing and directing our footsteps, whether it be to the bitter Marah pool, or to the joy and refreshment of Elim.
That way, dark to the Egyptians, has its pillar of cloud and fire for His own Israel. The furnace is hot; but not only can we trust the hand that kindles it, but we have the assurance that the fires are lighted not to consume, but to refine; and that when the refining process is completed (no sooner--no later) He brings His people forth as gold.
When they think Him least near, He is often nearest. "When my spirit was overwhelmed, then thou knewest my path."
Do we know of ONE brighter than the brightest radiance of the visible sun, visiting our chamber with the first waking beam of the morning; an eye of infinite tenderness and compassion following us throughout the day, knowing the way that we take?
The world, in its cold vocabulary in the hour of adversity, speaks of "Providence"--"the will of Providence"--"the strokes of Providence." PROVIDENCE! what is that?
Why dethrone a living, directing God from the sovereignty of His own earth? Why substitute an inanimate, death-like abstraction, in place of an acting, controlling, personal Jehovah?
How it would take the sting from many a goading trial, to see what Job saw (in his hour of aggravated woe, when every earthly hope lay prostrate at his feet)--no hand but the Divine. He saw that hand behind the gleaming swords of the Sabeans--he saw it behind the lightning flash--he saw it giving wings to the careening tempest--he saw it in the awful silence of his rifled home.
"The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord!"
Thus seeing God in everything, his faith reached its climax when this once powerful prince of the desert, seated on his bed of ashes, could say, "Though he slay me, yet will I trust him." --Macduff
"He knoweth the way that I take" (Job 23:10).
Believer! What a glorious assurance! This way of thine--this, it may be, a crooked, mysterious, tangled way--this way of trial and tears. "He knoweth it." The furnace seven times heated--He lighted it. There is an Almighty Guide knowing and directing our footsteps, whether it be to the bitter Marah pool, or to the joy and refreshment of Elim.
That way, dark to the Egyptians, has its pillar of cloud and fire for His own Israel. The furnace is hot; but not only can we trust the hand that kindles it, but we have the assurance that the fires are lighted not to consume, but to refine; and that when the refining process is completed (no sooner--no later) He brings His people forth as gold.
When they think Him least near, He is often nearest. "When my spirit was overwhelmed, then thou knewest my path."
Do we know of ONE brighter than the brightest radiance of the visible sun, visiting our chamber with the first waking beam of the morning; an eye of infinite tenderness and compassion following us throughout the day, knowing the way that we take?
The world, in its cold vocabulary in the hour of adversity, speaks of "Providence"--"the will of Providence"--"the strokes of Providence." PROVIDENCE! what is that?
Why dethrone a living, directing God from the sovereignty of His own earth? Why substitute an inanimate, death-like abstraction, in place of an acting, controlling, personal Jehovah?
How it would take the sting from many a goading trial, to see what Job saw (in his hour of aggravated woe, when every earthly hope lay prostrate at his feet)--no hand but the Divine. He saw that hand behind the gleaming swords of the Sabeans--he saw it behind the lightning flash--he saw it giving wings to the careening tempest--he saw it in the awful silence of his rifled home.
"The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord!"
Thus seeing God in everything, his faith reached its climax when this once powerful prince of the desert, seated on his bed of ashes, could say, "Though he slay me, yet will I trust him." --Macduff
April 21, 2006
Abundantly Able
Here's another extract from my devotions to encourage you. God is AWESOME and POWERFUL and ABUNDANTLY ABLE! Amazing!
"And being absolutely certain that whatever promise He is bound by, He is able to make good" (Rom. 4:20).
We are told that Abraham could look at his own body and consider it as good as dead without being discouraged, because he was not looking at himself but at the Almighty One.
He did not stagger at the promise, but stood straight up unbending beneath his mighty load of blessing; and instead of growing weak he waxed strong in the faith, grew more robust, the more difficulties became apparent, glorifying God through His very sufficiency and being "fully persuaded" (as the Greek expresses it) "that he who had promised was," not merely able, but as it literally means "abundantly able," munificently able, able with an infinite surplus of resources, infinitely able "to perform."
He is the God of boundless resources. The only limit is in us. Our asking, our thinking, our praying are too small; our expectations are too limited. He is trying to lift us up to a higher conception, and lure us on to a mightier expectation and appropriation. Oh, shall we put Him in derision? There is no limit to what we may ask and expect of our glorious El-Shaddai; and there is but one measure here given for His blessing, and that is "according to the power that worketh in us." --A. B. Simpson
"And being absolutely certain that whatever promise He is bound by, He is able to make good" (Rom. 4:20).
We are told that Abraham could look at his own body and consider it as good as dead without being discouraged, because he was not looking at himself but at the Almighty One.
He did not stagger at the promise, but stood straight up unbending beneath his mighty load of blessing; and instead of growing weak he waxed strong in the faith, grew more robust, the more difficulties became apparent, glorifying God through His very sufficiency and being "fully persuaded" (as the Greek expresses it) "that he who had promised was," not merely able, but as it literally means "abundantly able," munificently able, able with an infinite surplus of resources, infinitely able "to perform."
He is the God of boundless resources. The only limit is in us. Our asking, our thinking, our praying are too small; our expectations are too limited. He is trying to lift us up to a higher conception, and lure us on to a mightier expectation and appropriation. Oh, shall we put Him in derision? There is no limit to what we may ask and expect of our glorious El-Shaddai; and there is but one measure here given for His blessing, and that is "according to the power that worketh in us." --A. B. Simpson
Fopp Vouchers
Hey, I've been given £40 worth of Fopp vouchers and I don't know what to buy. Any suggestions? I like music, film and books, so whatever. Though at Fopp I could get LOADS for £40, so please help me decide what to do with my vouchers.
Thanks.
Thanks.
April 19, 2006
Boys are evil
[Just a wee side note to say this is my 50th post!!!]
Em... I know a little while ago I had a silly little mantra: Boys are biscuits and biscuits are evil. I'm sure a few folk found it quite amusing and were just like, "Aw, Steph! Ain't she a silly wee thing!" But what I've found most amusing is the many people who've said things like, "That's right, Steph. You just keep remembering - boys ARE evil." [much giggling] Seriously! What's with that?!
First of all, I know LOADS of boys. Ok, not in THAT way, c'mon! They're my friends and the only person who's close to being evil is Simpson, but that's evil genius not just plain evil.
Second of all, a couple of my friends have just recently started going out with a couple of my other friends, so my question is how come they haven't stayed away from the evil boys?
Third of all, why do I, Stephanie Peer, have to bear in mind that boys are evil? Granted, I have had a couple of brush ins with a couple of nasty blokes at uni, but they weren't evil. Stupid and insensitive, but nowhere near evil.
My conclusion is that my good friends are worried because I'm a recovering boy-a-holic. Yes, I admit it. Some people have a problem with alcohol, others with drugs, others with stealing. But me, I had a problem with boys. I am confident it's all behind me now. Just ask Marji and Mim. They know better than anyone. Though I can understand the concern that all of you have in encouraging me to remember that, though boys aren't inherently evil, boys can lead to my downfall.
So, I just want to thank you all for your great support of me and my struggle to give up boys. It really has been so painful, especially during this time when it's so easy to go back to your old habits for comfort. But boys and girls, I've been strong and I've kept my dignity and my head held high and I've just said, "No!" And to all you girls out there, I know your struggle - JUST SAY NO! It's as easy as that!
But I bet you can't say no to this one:
Em... I know a little while ago I had a silly little mantra: Boys are biscuits and biscuits are evil. I'm sure a few folk found it quite amusing and were just like, "Aw, Steph! Ain't she a silly wee thing!" But what I've found most amusing is the many people who've said things like, "That's right, Steph. You just keep remembering - boys ARE evil." [much giggling] Seriously! What's with that?!
First of all, I know LOADS of boys. Ok, not in THAT way, c'mon! They're my friends and the only person who's close to being evil is Simpson, but that's evil genius not just plain evil.
Second of all, a couple of my friends have just recently started going out with a couple of my other friends, so my question is how come they haven't stayed away from the evil boys?
Third of all, why do I, Stephanie Peer, have to bear in mind that boys are evil? Granted, I have had a couple of brush ins with a couple of nasty blokes at uni, but they weren't evil. Stupid and insensitive, but nowhere near evil.
My conclusion is that my good friends are worried because I'm a recovering boy-a-holic. Yes, I admit it. Some people have a problem with alcohol, others with drugs, others with stealing. But me, I had a problem with boys. I am confident it's all behind me now. Just ask Marji and Mim. They know better than anyone. Though I can understand the concern that all of you have in encouraging me to remember that, though boys aren't inherently evil, boys can lead to my downfall.
So, I just want to thank you all for your great support of me and my struggle to give up boys. It really has been so painful, especially during this time when it's so easy to go back to your old habits for comfort. But boys and girls, I've been strong and I've kept my dignity and my head held high and I've just said, "No!" And to all you girls out there, I know your struggle - JUST SAY NO! It's as easy as that!
But I bet you can't say no to this one:
April 18, 2006
It's nearly 6 in the morning...
Hello! Yes, it is nearly six, but I just had to get up half an hour ago and have something to eat otherwise I was going to be sick. Chemo's so weird! It simultaneously makes you nauseated and hungry. Incidentally, after anti-sickness tablets, eating seems to be an effective way of getting rid of nausea. Plus, you get sooooo hungry!! Really CRAZY hungry! In fact, though I've actually just recovered from a stomach bug, all I've been thinking about since I got home was food. And food I wouldn't normally eat all the time like chip butties, double cheeseburgers, blueberry pancakes, pizzas, my friend Danielle's aubergine bake.... Mmmmmmmm.... I've just had some tea and toast, but all that talk about food is making me even more hungry!
Seriously, I had the most horrible weekend with vomiting and diarrheoa and all I could think of inbetween was food! You have no idea how weird that was. I felt sooooo ill but I couldn't take my mind off it. I think part of it was because I've got to be so careful with what I eat now, but still. It was bizarre. In fact, it still is... Oh, fortunately the vomiting and diarrheoa were not the effect of chemotherapy but a stomach bug that only lasted 24 hours. Phew! Ok, so it was really terrible, but at least it won't happen again. I was beginning to wonder what Dr Reed meant by 'breezing through chemo'. But he assured me that you only got one or the other and it only happens within 36 hours of the beginning of treatment, so he's pretty confident it won't happen again. What a relief!
Also, biscuits are not evil at all. Boys still are, but biscuits might just become my new best friends. They also are a very good anti-sickness remedy. Plain digestives, hobnobs and rich teas - possibly ginger snaps - are brilliant! I'm so glad they're in the world. :-)
I think I'm so hungry this morning because I haven't eaten very much all weekend, seeing as how whatever went in very quickly made it's way out again. And I was sick again yesterday just before I got my Bleomycin jag. I have no idea why, but the moment I saw the needle, I felt all dizzy and light-headed. My head was swimming and I got really hot, so I sat down by the window, but instead of getting better, I started to feel worse and had to throw up. It was so strange! I was totally fine a couple of hours earlier when they'd taken blood, but for some reason, this needle made me sick. Anyway, once I'd finally recovered enough, I got my lovely intra-muscular jag, which wasn't all that sore and it was fine. I did, however, feel really faint and horrible so when I came home, I just had some water and went to bed. I couldn't eat very much for tea either and was completely knocked out till 11.30pm when I had a glass of milk and a bit of flapjack. So, all in all, I feel that my overwhelming hunger at 5.30am is perfectly justified.
Hmmm... Well, it's now nearly 6.30am so I'm going to go. I think I might have some cereal... Still got a gap to fill...
Seriously, I had the most horrible weekend with vomiting and diarrheoa and all I could think of inbetween was food! You have no idea how weird that was. I felt sooooo ill but I couldn't take my mind off it. I think part of it was because I've got to be so careful with what I eat now, but still. It was bizarre. In fact, it still is... Oh, fortunately the vomiting and diarrheoa were not the effect of chemotherapy but a stomach bug that only lasted 24 hours. Phew! Ok, so it was really terrible, but at least it won't happen again. I was beginning to wonder what Dr Reed meant by 'breezing through chemo'. But he assured me that you only got one or the other and it only happens within 36 hours of the beginning of treatment, so he's pretty confident it won't happen again. What a relief!
Also, biscuits are not evil at all. Boys still are, but biscuits might just become my new best friends. They also are a very good anti-sickness remedy. Plain digestives, hobnobs and rich teas - possibly ginger snaps - are brilliant! I'm so glad they're in the world. :-)
I think I'm so hungry this morning because I haven't eaten very much all weekend, seeing as how whatever went in very quickly made it's way out again. And I was sick again yesterday just before I got my Bleomycin jag. I have no idea why, but the moment I saw the needle, I felt all dizzy and light-headed. My head was swimming and I got really hot, so I sat down by the window, but instead of getting better, I started to feel worse and had to throw up. It was so strange! I was totally fine a couple of hours earlier when they'd taken blood, but for some reason, this needle made me sick. Anyway, once I'd finally recovered enough, I got my lovely intra-muscular jag, which wasn't all that sore and it was fine. I did, however, feel really faint and horrible so when I came home, I just had some water and went to bed. I couldn't eat very much for tea either and was completely knocked out till 11.30pm when I had a glass of milk and a bit of flapjack. So, all in all, I feel that my overwhelming hunger at 5.30am is perfectly justified.
Hmmm... Well, it's now nearly 6.30am so I'm going to go. I think I might have some cereal... Still got a gap to fill...
April 14, 2006
Numero Uno
Well, I now understand what the big deal about chemotherapy is. It's actually quite awful. The first couple of drugs were fine. I felt a bit sick, but otheriwse still the same ol' Steph. But from Tuesday night into a lot of Wednesday, I had a horrible drug called Bleomycin, which has left me felling really quite sick, tired and very, very worn out. I'm not very much like Steph at all and my mum's quite worried. Still, I know I'm in there somewhere, I'm just recoiling from the nasty, nasty drugs. Blegh!
I also have really bad heartburn. It doesn't seem to want to go away, but the chemo drugs affect the digestive system, so I guess it's just one of the many side effects. I've spent a lot of the time since I've been home in bed, so I hope it'll do me some good. Not really up to doing much else at the moment.
Oh, I am definitely going to lose my hair, so that's an irrational worry out the way. :-) I start losing it in clumps from next week onwards. Plus, I got a form to get a wig for free while I was in, so once my immune system is on the up again, I might just venture into town and get myself one. It really is quite cold having such short hair, so it'll keep me warm and make me feel less conspicuous.
The good thing is that I only have 3 more to go. A lady in the ward has another 12! Eugh! Well, she has lung cancer and I suppose her regime is totally different, but still. I don't think I could cope with another 12. Oh my goodness! Dr Reed made mine quite intensive cos I'm so young, so I guess I should be thankful cos it'll be over more quickly.
It really is quite horrible, so I hope none of you ever have to go through it. I guess I'm also a little thankful that Dr Reed is putting me through it now so it's over and done with. Phew!
Well, I'm going to go. Will keep you updated on how I'm feeling.
I also have really bad heartburn. It doesn't seem to want to go away, but the chemo drugs affect the digestive system, so I guess it's just one of the many side effects. I've spent a lot of the time since I've been home in bed, so I hope it'll do me some good. Not really up to doing much else at the moment.
Oh, I am definitely going to lose my hair, so that's an irrational worry out the way. :-) I start losing it in clumps from next week onwards. Plus, I got a form to get a wig for free while I was in, so once my immune system is on the up again, I might just venture into town and get myself one. It really is quite cold having such short hair, so it'll keep me warm and make me feel less conspicuous.
The good thing is that I only have 3 more to go. A lady in the ward has another 12! Eugh! Well, she has lung cancer and I suppose her regime is totally different, but still. I don't think I could cope with another 12. Oh my goodness! Dr Reed made mine quite intensive cos I'm so young, so I guess I should be thankful cos it'll be over more quickly.
It really is quite horrible, so I hope none of you ever have to go through it. I guess I'm also a little thankful that Dr Reed is putting me through it now so it's over and done with. Phew!
Well, I'm going to go. Will keep you updated on how I'm feeling.
April 09, 2006
Heehee!
Won't it funny if I get to the hospital tomorrow and they're like, "Em, you know you're not going to lose your hair, right?" [giggles]
Also, note to potential visitors: I'm not allowed to eat junk food of any kind, so please do not bring me cakes, biscuits, sweets or chocolate. It's sad, but it's for the best. :-)
Also, note to potential visitors: I'm not allowed to eat junk food of any kind, so please do not bring me cakes, biscuits, sweets or chocolate. It's sad, but it's for the best. :-)
April 08, 2006
No hair for my hairbrush!
Wow! So I've done it! Heehee!Before the clippers did their nasty work, Andrea chopped some off my hair off and it was this cool funky hairdo, which I am soooo going to have when my hair grows back. Maybe put a little funky dye in it too. All I can say was that it looked like a Japanese punk hairdo. It was soooo cool! And I looked cool, so that's good of course.
Also, much to Andrea's pleasure, I do NOT have a weird shaped head, so that's good. :-) And my brother thinks I look like a little boy! Heeheehee! And what do I think? I think I just look like Steph with a shaved head. Oh! I got a number 4, so it's not like you can see my scalp or anything. :-) I still look like me. I've been rubbing my head all evening because it's sooo soft!
Last night this lady thought I was famous and when she found out I wasn't said that I looked like someone famous, but she couldn't remember who. Then as she walked away she said I was really pretty. :-) How nice? And Paul Maxfield said I could get as many Paul hugs as I wanted. Amazing!! What a nice day I had yesterday!
Em, so chemo starts on Monday at the Beatson. I don't know which ward I'll be in but the visiting times are 3-4.30 and 6-8.30. I would love to see anyone who comes because being in hospital is boooooooring! Plus, I get to show off my shaved head! The only thing I'm not looking forward to is the IV needle. Blegh! I think they might be my pet peeve or irrational fear... Well, it's not that I'm afriad of them, just that I plain hate, detest and loathe them. [giggles] Just thought I'd exaggerate a little bit... Anyway the point is IV needles = YUCK!! Two off them caused infection and swelling the last time. Eugh!
Ah well... Praise God for my nicely shaped head. :-)
April 03, 2006
Honour Him in the Trials
Hello! Just to post yet another piece from my online devotions. Thought it would encourage you. :-)
"Glorify ye the Lord in the fires" (Isa. 24:15).
Mark the little word "in"! We are to honor Him in the trial--in that which is an affliction indeed and though there have been cases where God did not let His saints feel the fire, yet, ordinarily, fire hurts.
But just here we are to glorify Him by our perfect faith in His goodness and love that has permitted all this to come upon us.
And more than that, we are to believe that out of this is coming something more for His praise than could have come but for this fiery trial.
We can only go through some fires with a large faith; little faith will fail. We must have the victory in the furnace. --Margaret Bottome
A man has as much religion as he can show in times of trouble. The men who were cast into the fiery furnace came out as they went in--except their bonds.
How often in some furnace of affliction God strikes them off! Their bodies were unhurt--their skin not even blistered. Their hair was unsinged, their garments not scorched, and even the smell of fire had not passed upon them. And that is the way Christians should come out of furnace trials--liberated from their bonds, but untouched by the flames.
"Triumphing over them in it" (Col. 2:15).
That is the real triumph--triumphing over sickness, in it; triumphing over death, dying; triumphing over adverse circumstances, in them. Oh, believe me, there is a power that can make us victors in the strife. There are heights to be reached where we can look down and over the way we have come, and sing our song of triumph on this side of Heaven. We can make others regard us as rich, while we are poor, and make many rich in our poverty. Our triumph is to be in it. Christ's triumph was in His humiliation. Possibly our triumph, also, is to be made manifest in what seems to others humiliation. --Margaret Bottome
Is there not something captivating in the sight of a man or a woman burdened with many tribulations and yet carrying a heart as sound as a bell? Is there not something contagiously valorous in the vision of one who is greatly tempted, but is more than conqueror? Is it not heartening to see some pilgrim who is broken in body, but who retains the splendor of an unbroken patience? What a witness all this offers to the enduement of His grace! --J. H. Jowett
"When each earthly prop gives under,
And life seems a restless sea,
Are you then a God-kept wonder,
Satisfied and calm and free?"
"Glorify ye the Lord in the fires" (Isa. 24:15).
Mark the little word "in"! We are to honor Him in the trial--in that which is an affliction indeed and though there have been cases where God did not let His saints feel the fire, yet, ordinarily, fire hurts.
But just here we are to glorify Him by our perfect faith in His goodness and love that has permitted all this to come upon us.
And more than that, we are to believe that out of this is coming something more for His praise than could have come but for this fiery trial.
We can only go through some fires with a large faith; little faith will fail. We must have the victory in the furnace. --Margaret Bottome
A man has as much religion as he can show in times of trouble. The men who were cast into the fiery furnace came out as they went in--except their bonds.
How often in some furnace of affliction God strikes them off! Their bodies were unhurt--their skin not even blistered. Their hair was unsinged, their garments not scorched, and even the smell of fire had not passed upon them. And that is the way Christians should come out of furnace trials--liberated from their bonds, but untouched by the flames.
"Triumphing over them in it" (Col. 2:15).
That is the real triumph--triumphing over sickness, in it; triumphing over death, dying; triumphing over adverse circumstances, in them. Oh, believe me, there is a power that can make us victors in the strife. There are heights to be reached where we can look down and over the way we have come, and sing our song of triumph on this side of Heaven. We can make others regard us as rich, while we are poor, and make many rich in our poverty. Our triumph is to be in it. Christ's triumph was in His humiliation. Possibly our triumph, also, is to be made manifest in what seems to others humiliation. --Margaret Bottome
Is there not something captivating in the sight of a man or a woman burdened with many tribulations and yet carrying a heart as sound as a bell? Is there not something contagiously valorous in the vision of one who is greatly tempted, but is more than conqueror? Is it not heartening to see some pilgrim who is broken in body, but who retains the splendor of an unbroken patience? What a witness all this offers to the enduement of His grace! --J. H. Jowett
"When each earthly prop gives under,
And life seems a restless sea,
Are you then a God-kept wonder,
Satisfied and calm and free?"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)