This time last year, I was admitted into Ward 24 so I could get ready for my surgery on the Thursday. I was told that I definitely had cancer and by the grace of God I had decided that I would have a hysterectomy if it was needed. Man, I look back and I can see that complete trust and faith I had in my loving Father. I would give anything to be in that complete peace and rest I was then. I realised juist how much I wanted to have children, but I could give it up because I knew my Father in Heaven knew best. I miss that peace and trust and I'm ashamed that it took something as awful as cancer to bring me to a point of rest in His will. I'm ashamed because right now I'm fine and my 'troubles' are nothing; trivial in comparison. But I'm finding it difficult to let go and to trust the Father that I was so sure was loving just a year ago.

Reading the Old Testament, particularly Exodus and Judges, where God showed His faithfulness time and again, and the Israelites still lost their faith and went back to other gods, I can't help but see me. I used to think that they were foolish. How could they who saw first hand the power, might and awesomness, but also the grace, love and mercy of God, turn away from Him? Well, I ask the same of myself. How could I being in the very arms of God just a year ago have walked away from that place? How could I have lost my faith in the Faithful? I have no idea how to get that back. I just hope that I do soon.

Cancer

This time last year, my mum and I went to Ward 24 of the Royal Infirmary - the gynaecological oncology ward. On the Wednesday, I'd been called by Dr Ali, the guy who was so confident it was merely an ovarian cyst, and he told me that I would now be treated by a Dr Davis. My GP has also called me to let me know that this was merely precautionary and ovarian cancer only occurred in women over 45. Ah well... Nevertheless, I knew in my heart I had cancer. There was no way that they would've asked me to bring someone with me if it wasn't going to be bad news. Still, when I heard it and when I was asked to consider a hysterectomy, I really didn't expect it to hurt me as much as it did. It was bad, but actually not as bad as having your heart broken by someone you loved. :-)

Anyway... I called my four best friends - Miriam, Marji, Jonathan and Pete. Poor people! They just didn't know what to do or say. Also, Danielle and Julie came into town to cheer me up and I ended up buying a dress for Gaby's wedding. It was so fake, but nice that they came to be with me at all. (Fake in the sense that we were all laughing and joking, but only to avoid talking about the serious issue.)

The rest of the day was kind of a blur. I think when I got home, I just burst into tears and cried and cried. I didn't know what else to do. But it's all alright. Today, I'm just stressing about my teaching assessment at 2pm. :-)

OOPS! Had no time to blog yesterday as I was in a rush to get all my stuff ready for my teaching assessment. Phew! Glad I passed. :-) Got an easy lesson in comparison for next week. Thank goodness!

Ok, so this time last year, as in Saturday, I'd come home from the Southern and I'd met the surgeon - Mr./Dr. Ali - and he had seen the reuslt of the CT and was mroe than confident that it was only an ovarian cyst and nothing more sinister. He said that they'd have to have this cross-discplinary meeting (??) on the following Wednesday to discuss my case, but also, I think, all other surgical cases. (I think this meeting consists of Radiologists, Oncologists, Surgeons and possibly other specialists.) So, I was alright. It was nice to know the reason I was 'pregnant' and actually I was quite amused by what I thought was only a dermoid cyst. You should read about them, or go to the archives and read through Feb last year. ;-)

Yep, still didn't know I had cancer! So weird...

PS The picture is from an anime movie called My Neighbour Totoro. You should see it. It's sooooo CUTE!!

Hope vs Fear

Oh my goodness! How appropriate is this devotional for me today!

"Lo, I am with you all the appointed days" (Matt. 28:20, Variorum Version).

Do not look forward to the changes and chances of this life in fear. Rather look at them with full hope that, as they arise, God, whose you are, will deliver you out of them. He has kept you hitherto; do you but hold fast to His dear hand, and He will lead you safely through all things; and when you cannot stand, He will bear you in His arms.

Do not look forward to what may happen tomorrow. The same everlasting Father who cares for you today will take care of you tomorrow, and every day. Either He will shield you from suffering, or He will give you unfailing strength to bear it. Be at peace, then, put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginations. --Frances do Sales

"The Lord is my shepherd."

Not was, not may be, nor will be. "The Lord is my shepherd," is on Sunday, is on Monday, and is through every day of the week; is in January, is in December, and every month of the year; is at home, and is in China; is in peace, and, is in war; in abundance, and in penury.
--J. Hudson Taylor

HE will silently plan for thee,
Object thou of omniscient care;
God Himself undertakes to be
Thy Pilot through each subtle snare.

He WILL silently plan for thee,
So certainly, He cannot fail!
Rest on the faithfulness of God,
In Him thou surely shalt prevail.

He will SILENTLY plan for thee
Some wonderful surprise of love.
Eye hath not seen, nor ear hath heard,
But it is kept for thee above.

He will silently PLAN for thee,
His purposes shall all unfold;
The tangled skein shall shine at last,
A masterpiece of skill untold.

He will silently plan FOR THEE,
Happy child of a Father's care,
As though no other claimed His love,
But thou alone to Him wert dear.
--E. Mary Grimes

Whatever our faith says God is, He will be. - Mrs C E Cowman.

This time last year, I woke up in the southern. A JHO had put a cannula on my left arm, just at the nook where my elbow was and I'd snagged it in my sleep, so it was as painful as (insert noun here). So, just before I went for my CT scan, a nurse came to flush the cannula and it was all ok. But when the nurse at the scanner tried later, it was sooooooo sore! So, they had to take it out and put another one on my right arm. Only twice has a needle gone into one of my vein and I didn't feel anything except a scratch - this was the second. (The first was when Sandra, the nurse specialist from Ward 24 at the Royal, took some blood to test to see if I had cancer.) That was my first CT scan - "take a breath in and hold your breath". (That's what they tell you to do.) Em... Yeah, I think that time, I didn't bleed all over the floor. The two CTs since, I did. I also bled profusely when they put the cannula in for the MRI... I have good veins. It's strange when it happens, the needle goes in and you feel warm liquid flowing down your arm, and then you realise, "Oh, that's my blood". I always get up and see the big stain on the floor where the nurses hurriedly wiped away my small puddle of blood. Lovely!

Yeah, this time last year, I still didn't know I had cancer....

By this time on this day last year, I'd had an ultrasound and the doctor said that there was something definitely wrong with my ovary. I think I'd just finished and was about to have my lunch. I remember being asked by the auxiliary nurse whether I would need a halal plate and being surprised initially and then thinking, 'oh yeah, I'm Asian'. By 2pm, the staff nurse would have told me that it looks like gynaecological problem and they're tranferring me to the Southern where they'll do a CT scan. Once I got there, I would find out that they can't do one till tomorrow anyway because hospitals like patients to be patient. I liked the southern though. It was the nicest hospital out of all the others - well, I can't give an opinion on Yorkhill or Stobhill, because I didn't get to go there. Maybe next time...

This time last year

So, on this day last year, I woke up and my already swollen, 'pregnant' belly had swollen up to twice it's size so that I looked like I was 8 months pregnant. I threw up most of the morning, feeling quite sick and disgusting, so my mum took me in for an emergency GP appointment, after which I was sent to the Victoria Infirmary for an emergency ultrasound. But, the Victoria being what it is, I didn't get seen till much later in the day and so had to be admitted to have an ultrasound the next morning. This time, I was in a better ward so all the nurses were actually nice. I didn't have anything to read or do so I had to 'entertain' myself with gossip magazines like Heat or whatever else the other ones are called. :-)

I didn't yet know that I had cancer.

God's best, God's will

What is it - God's best? What is God's perfect will and why is it not clearer? And when people say 'God will reward your faithfulness', will that be on this earth and Heaven or just in Heaven? It would be kind of nice to have some reward on earth. Also, does he just give us what we need when He rewards us? Is it on top of all the other blessings like food, shelter, clothing, or is that it? Don't get me wrong, that's more than enough, but is that all?

Anyway... If you could give me your opinion, that would be good.

Thy Road and Thy Staff

Woo! What a great reminder that when we are in difficulty, God has already prepared us for it and He is right there with us! Praise be to the Lord!

"Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me" (Ps. 23:4).

At my father's house in the country there is a little closet in the chimney corner where are kept the canes and walking-sticks of several generations of our family. In my visits to the old house, when my father and I are going out for a walk, we often go to the cane closet, and pick out our sticks to suit the fancy of the occasion. In this I have frequently been reminded that the Word of God is a staff.

During the war, when the season of discouragement and impending danger was upon us, the verse, "He shall not be afraid of evil tidings; his heart is fixed, trusting in the Lord," was a staff to walk with many dark days.

When death took away our child and left us almost heartbroken, I found another staff in the promise that "weeping may endure for the night, but joy cometh in the morning."

When in impaired health, I was exiled for a year, not knowing whether I should be permitted to return to my home and work again, I took with me this staff which never failed, "He knoweth the thoughts that he thinketh toward me, thoughts of peace and not of evil."

In times of special danger or doubt, when human judgment has seemed to be set at naught, I have found it easy to go forward with this staff, "In quietness and confidence shall be your strength." And in emergencies, when there has seemed to be no adequate time for deliberation or for action, I have never found that this staff has failed me, "He that believeth shall not make haste." --Benjamin Vaughan Abbott, in The Outlook

"I had never known," said Martin Luther's wife, "what such and such things meant, in such and such psalms, such complaints and workings of spirit; I had never understood the practice of Christian duties, had not God brought me under some affliction." It is very true that God's rod is as the schoolmaster's pointer to the child, pointing out the letter, that he may the better take notice of it; thus He pointeth out to us many good lessons which we should never otherwise have learned. --Selected

"Thy shoes shall be iron and brass; and as thy days, so shall thy strength be" (Deut.33:25).

Each of us may be sure that if God sends us on stony paths He will provide us with strong shoes, and He will not send us out on any journey for which He does not equip us well. --Maclaren

Marji's goofy foot

So, since Marji and I were bored tonight and she's going snowboarding at Braehead with Michaela, I spent about 5 or 10 minutes pushing her in the kitchen just so she could figure out whether she was 'regular' or 'goofy footed'. I didn;t know left was 'regular'. She doesn't like being goofy. Ah well...

Also, I think it's about time that Marji and I make a public declaration: we are indeed a couple. After 5 and a half years of denial, the last 2 weeks of living together has made it a little too difficult to hide the feelings we have had for each other. Unfortunately, I don't think it comes as big surprise to you since you probably saw it coming. So to prospective suitors for us both: we're taken. Just thought you should know.

Music and the Rest

A good reminder when things aren't going according to 'the plan'. God's in charge of it all.

"Into a desert place apart" (Matt. 14:13).

"There is no music in a rest, but there is the making of music in it." In our whole life-melody the music is broken off here and there by "rests," and we foolishly think we have come to the end of the tune. God sends a time of forced leisure, sickness, disappointed plans, frustrated efforts, and makes a sudden pause in the choral hymn of our lives; and we lament that our voices must be silent, and our part missing in the music which ever goes up to the ear of the Creator. How does the musician read the "rest"? See him beat the time with unvarying count, and catch up the next note true and steady, as if no breaking place had come between.

Not without design does God write the music of our lives. Be it ours to learn the tune, and not be dismayed at the "rests." They are not to be slurred over, not to be omitted, not to destroy the melody, not to change the keynote. If we look up, God Himself will beat the time for us. With the eye on Him, we shall strike the next note full and clear. If we sadly say to ourselves, "There is no music in a 'rest,'" let us not forget "there is the making of music in it." The making of music is often a slow and painful process in this life. How patiently God works to teach us! How long He waits for us to learn the lesson! --Ruskin

Faith

Hello! Once again you'll be getting a real post as opposed to just devotions. I've been thinking a lot about faith recently and how it encompasses every aspect of life. I always thought it had to do only with God, but I've realised that I need it to even believe that my mum loves me, that when I go to bed I'll wake up, that my friends are indeed who I think they are, and so on, and so on. It is quite worrying to realise that once you stop believing in one thing, it's not long before to stop believing anything. I guess that's why it's so unsettling for people with mental illnesses. I don't know though, just thinking as I type.

I've also been annoyed and frustrated at myself because I haven't given up a very trivial part of my life over to God. You'd think that after what happened over the last year, it'd be easier to give my life up to Him and just trust Him with the minutest detail. Here again I see how similar I am to the nation of old testament Israel. The cancer being caught early and not having to have a hystrectomy was my parting of the Red Sea and the strength through chemo was my manna from heaven. Yet after all these miracles, I still doubt that God really cares for me. How can that be so?

I love God and I love the Bible, but I can't discipline myself to spend time with God or studying the Bible. Why is that? I love a lot of my friends and I have no problem spending time with them at all. Why is it so hard with God? Is it because I take Him for granted? Marji's been staying with me at my minister's flat while they're away, but it seems that we don't always make an effort to see each other because we assume we will at some point. Is that the same with God and I?

I was speaking to Paul the other day and he showed me the example of how Christianity is like a wheel; Christ is the centre, with the four spokes being studying the Bible, prayer, fellowship and witnessing, all surrounded by obedience, which is the tyre. Not one part can be removed if the wheel is to be used effectively. How much time do I spend witnessing? I can honestly say next to none. I've been so caught up with worrying that I haven't spent time with God and in the Bible. And my fellowship sucks because Christ isn't the centre.

I don't know why I'm typing this. I just feel that this state of being can't continue anymore because I am starting to feel like I'm suffocating. Maybe that's what 'quenching the Spirit' feels like? I don't know. I guess now that I've realised where I'm at, I have to do something about it. This is just my way of starting to deal with it. Ah well.

Hardship Makes Character

Sorry, not been all that great at blogging... Here's a good devotion for you:

"In all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us" (Romans 8:37).

This is more than victory. This is a triumph so complete that we have not only escaped defeat and destruction, but we have destroyed our enemies and won a spoil so rich and valuable that we can thank God that the battle ever came. How can we be "more than conquerors"? We can get out of the conflict a spiritual discipline that will greatly strengthen our faith and establish our spiritual character. Temptation is necessary to settle and confirm us in the spiritual life. It is like the fire which burns in the colors of mineral painting, or like winds that cause the mighty cedars of the mountain to strike more deeply into the soil. Our spiritual conflicts are among our choicest blessings, and our great adversary is used to train us for his ultimate defeat. The ancient Phrygians had a legend that every time they conquered an enemy the victor absorbed the physical strength of his victim and added so much more to his own strength and valor. So temptation victoriously met doubles our spiritual strength and equipment. It is possible thus not only to defeat our enemy, but to capture him and make him fight in our ranks. The prophet Isaiah speaks of flying on the shoulders of the Philistines (Isa. 11:14). These Philistines were their deadly foes, but the figure suggested that they would be enabled not only to conquer the Philistines, but to use them to carry the victors on their shoulders for further triumphs. Just as the wise sailor can use a head wind to carry him forward by tacking and taking advantage of its impelling force; so it is possible for us in our spiritual life through the victorious grace of God to turn to account the things that seem most unfriendly and unfavorable, and to be able to say continually, "The things that were against me have happened to the furtherance of the Gospel." --Life More Abundantly

A noted scientist observing that "early voyagers fancied that the coral-building animals instinctively built up the great circles of the Atoll Islands to afford themselves protection in the inner parts," has disproved this fancy by showing that the insect builders can only live and thrive fronting the open ocean, and in the highly aerated foam of its resistless billows. So it has been commonly thought that protected ease is the most favorable condition of life, whereas all the noblest and strongest lives prove on the contrary that the endurance of hardship is the making of the men, and the factor that distinguishes between existence and vigorous vitality. Hardship makes character. --Selected

"Now thanks be unto God Who always leads us forth to triumph with the Anointed One, and Who diffuses by us the fragrance of the knowledge of Him in every place" (2 Cor. 2:14, literal translation).

Merry Christmas

Hello! Merry Christmas! As much as I wish as the card the card states, I hope you entrust your hopes, dreams, ambitions, desires and future in general to God's care. I hope you will be blessed as I have been this year, though in a much nicer way than what happened to me of course...

I did something strange today - strange for the 'me' I've become anyway... I wanted to clear my inbox for my hotmail account, but while doing it, I stumbled upon quite a number of amazing emails, a lot of them from this year and about cancer and my gran's death, but a couple from a few years ago that I must have kept when I deleted my emails before. Ok, my point? I finally understood 'natsukashisa' [na-tsu-ka-she-sa], the Japanese term for nostalgia or a 'pleasant-sad feeling' (apparently a very valued emotion to have for a Japanese person). Hmmm... This is going to be hard for me to say quickly...

I don't know who reads my blog anymore, so I'm sorry for being too personal. I think, in fact, my blogs have not been very personal at all for a while so in a way I'm making up for it. Also, when my gran died, my granddad and uncle were left with regret because they never got to say the things they'd always wanted to say to my gran before she died. On that note, I wrote a few Christmas cards to the people I love most - or could honestly say I actually loved - and told them why they mean so much to me and thanked them for all they've done. (Am challenged by the fact I am to love EVERYONE and not the select few I've chosen...) Pfff!

Goodness! I'm just really overwhelmed! I have been so loved this year and I know that that isn't just because of the uniqueness of this year. It's been great to have care and affection demonstrated over the year in a way that couldn't have been possible without all the difficulty that I had to go through. And then to look back over the uni years and see that certain people have just ALWAYS been there! I have been continually blessed by these people in particular and all the people that God has put into my life. I owe a lot of where I am today spiritually and my knowledge of God and the Bible - both intellectually and emotionally - and who I've become to these people. As you already know, I love you and I'm more grateful than I could ever really tell you.

The other side to it is how much I've grown and the woman I have been becoming - since third year especially. Some of those emails had the email I'd sent attached and I was amazed at some of the things I'd said in them - in a good way, I mean. It turns out I wasn't quite as silly as I thought and that humbled me, because obviously it was God in me and not me in myself. I guess now I know why people have such a high opinion of me, though I still can't believe it. :-S

Ok, last of all and most importantly, God is good. There's no better day than today - except maybe Easter - to figure that out! I never knew it more certainly till this year, which is odd you might think since I had cancer and my grandmother died of a heart attack three days after my birthday. You want to know how? Here:
- the cancer was caught early
- I had THE best surgeon possible to operate on me
- he was the loveliest surgeon ever and actually CARED
- I didn't have to have a hysterectomy
- the cancer was completely removed during surgery
- chemo was precautionary
- I lost all my hair, but I actually suited being bald, I had a great wig and now I have an afro! (AMAZING!)
- my friends still bless me even with the memory of all their care over this year
- my gran became a Christian 3 hours before she died - quite possibly God kept her alive just long enough to come to Him
- my one ovary is working perfectly
- I learned so much about God in all the extra time I had this year and saw Him in a completely new way
- I was vulnerable and allowed myself to be so, which does mean I cry a lot more than I used to, but that's good because I'm more feminine and womanly, which I was struggling to let happen
- I love Him more than I did before and I know Him better

Those are the major ones that continue to overwhelm me. I'm so glad to have seen this today because I can thank God genuinely. All this good wouldn't have and couldn't have happened without Jesus coming and I'm glad I can thank Him wholeheartedly and attribute all the blessing I received to Him as He deserves. Praise God for His goodness!

One last thing - sorry for such a long post - I hope you get to know God as I have done over this year. I hope that it doesn;t have to be a critical illness or a death of a very special loved one for that to happen. May God bless you with a deeper knowledge of Him and His will for you! Praise Him for His goodness, mercy and love! AMEN.

God's Refreshment

This is LOVELY! So revealing of God's parental love toward us - toward me! Hoep it encourages you as it did me:

"The journey is too great for thee" (1 King 19:7).

And what did God do with His tired servant? Gave him something good to eat, and put him to sleep. Elijah had done splendid work, and had run alongside of the chariot in his excitement, and it had been too much for his physical strength, and the reaction had come on, and he was depressed. The physical needed to be cared for. What many people want is sleep, and the physical ailment attended to. There are grand men and women who get where Elijah was--under the juniper tree! and it comes very soothingly to such to hear the words of the Master: "The journey is too great for thee, and I am going to refresh you." Let us not confound physical weariness with spiritual weakness.

"I'm too tired to trust and too tired to pray,
Said one, as the over-taxed strength gave way.
The one conscious thought by my mind possessed,
Is, oh, could I just drop it all and rest.

"Will God forgive me, do you suppose,
If I go right to sleep as a baby goes,
Without an asking if I may,
Without ever trying to trust and pray?

"Will God forgive you? why think, dear heart,
When language to you was an unknown art,
Did a mother deny you needed rest,
Or refuse to pillow your head on her breast?

"Did she let you want when you could not ask?
Did she set her child an unequal task?
Or did she cradle you in her arms,
And then guard your slumber against alarms?

"Ah, how quick was her mother love to see,
The unconscious yearnings of infancy.
When you've grown too tired to trust and pray,
When over-wrought nature has quite given way:

"Then just drop it all, and give up to rest,
As you used to do on a mother's breast,
He knows all about it--the dear Lord knows,
So just go to sleep as a baby goes;

"Without even asking if you may,
God knows when His child is too tired to pray.
He judges not solely by uttered prayer,
He knows when the yearnings of love are there.

"He knows you do pray, He knows you do trust,
And He knows, too, the limits' of poor weak dust.
Oh, the wonderful sympathy of Christ,
For His chosen ones in that midnight tryst,

"When He bade them sleep and take their rest,
While on Him the guilt of the whole world pressed--
You've given your life up to Him to keep,
Then don't be afraid to go right to sleep."
- Mrs C E Cowman

Dare to Be Alone

Hmmm... I've never thought about this concept before. What do you think?

"Yet I am not alone, because the Father is with me" (John 16:32).

It need not be said that to carry out conviction into action is a costly sacrifice. It may make necessary renunciations and separations which leave one to feel a strange sense both of deprivation and loneliness. But he who will fly, as an eagle does, into the higher levels where cloudless day abides, and live in the sunshine of God, must be content to live a comparatively lonely life.

No bird is so solitary as the eagle. Eagles never fly in flocks; one, or at most two, ever being seen at once. But the life that is lived unto God, however it forfeits human companionships, knows Divine fellowship.

God seeks eagle-men. No man ever comes into a realization of the best things of God, who does not, upon the Godward side of his life, learn to walk alone with God. We find Abraham alone in Horeb upon the heights, but Lot, dwelling in Sodom. Moses, skilled in all the wisdom of Egypt must go forty years into the desert alone with God. Paul, who was filled with Greek learning and had also sat at the feet of Gamaliel, must go into Arabia and learn the desert life with God. Let God isolate us. I do not mean the isolation of a monastery. In this isolating experience He develops an independence of faith and life so that the soul needs no longer the constant help, prayer, faith or attention of his neighbor. Such assistance and inspiration from the other members are necessary and have their place in the Christian's development, but there comes a time when they act as a direct hindrance to the individual's faith and welfare. God knows how to change the circumstances in order to give us an isolating experience. We yield to God and He takes us through something, and when it is over, those about us, who are no less loved than before, are no longer depended upon. We realize that He has wrought some things in us, and that the wings of our souls have learned to beat the upper air.

We must dare to be alone. Jacob must be left alone if the Angel of God is to whisper in his ear the mystic name of Shiloh; Daniel must be left alone if he is to see celestial visions; John must be banished to Patmos if he is deeply to take and firmly to keep "the print of heaven." - Mrs C E Cowman

Call Back

How true it is that we can encourage each other with our testimonies!

"It shall turn to you for a testimony'' (Luke 21:13).

Life is a steep climb, and it does the heart good to have somebody "call back" and cheerily beckon us on up the high hill. We are all climbers together, and we must help one another. This mountain climbing is serious business, but glorious. It takes strength and steady step to find the summits. The outlook widens with the altitude. If anyone among us has found anything worth while, we ought to "call back."

If you have gone a little way ahead of me, call back--
'Twill cheer my heart and help my feet along the stony track;
And if, perchance, Faith's light is dim, because the oil is low,
Your call will guide my lagging course as wearily I go.

Call back, and tell me that He went with you into the storm;
Call back, and say He kept you when the forest's roots were torn;
That, when the heavens thunder and the earthquake shook the hill,
He bore you up and held you where the very air was still.

Oh, friend, call back, and tell me for I cannot see your face,
They say it glows with triumph, and your feet bound in the race;
But there are mists between us and my spirit eyes are dim,
And I cannot see the glory, though I long for word of Him.

But if you'll say He heard you when your prayer was but a cry,
And if you'll say He saw you through the night's sin-darkened sky
If you have gone a little way ahead, oh, friend, call back--
'Twill cheer my heart and help my feet along the stony track.
--Selected

OK Go are amazing!

Hello, hello! If anyone is in need of mindless entertainment that is more than mildly amusing, please watch Ok Go's videos for A Million Ways and Here It Goes Again. Hee hee hee! :-)

Trust and Rest

What great encouragement!

"Trust also in him" (Ps. 37:3).

The word trust is the heart word of faith. It is the Old Testament word, the word given to the early and infant stage of faith. The word faith expresses more the act of the will, the word belief the act of the mind or intellect, but trust is the language of the heart. The other has reference more to a truth believed or a thing expected.

Trust implies more than this, it sees and feels, and leans upon a person, a great, true, living heart of love. So let us "trust also in him," through all the delays, in spite of all the difficulties, in the face of all the denials, notwithstanding all the seemings, even when we cannot understand the way, and know not the issue; still "trust also in him, and he will bring it to pass." The way will open, the right issue will come, the end will be peace, the cloud will be lifted, and the light of an eternal noonday shall shine at last.

"Trust and rest when all around thee
Puts thy faith to sorest test;
Let no fear or foe confound thee,
Wait for God and trust and rest.

"Trust and rest with heart abiding,
Like a birdling in its nest,
Underneath His feathers hiding,
Fold thy wings and trust and rest."
- Mrs C E Cowman

When We're in the Dark

Here's some encouragement for you:

"I will give thee the treasures of darkness" (Isa. 45:3).

In the famous lace shops of Brussels, there are certain rooms devoted to the spinning of the finest and most delicate patterns. These rooms are altogether darkened, save for a light from one very small window, which falls directly upon the pattern. There is only one spinner in the room, and he sits where the narrow stream of light falls upon the threads of his weaving. "Thus," we are told by the guide, "do we secure our choicest products. Lace is always more delicately and beautifully woven when the worker himself is in the dark and only his pattern is in the light."

May it not be the same with us in our weaving? Sometimes it is very dark. We cannot understand what we are doing. We do not see the web we are weaving. We are not able to discover any beauty, any possible good in our experience. Yet if we are faithful and fail not and faint not, we shall some day know that the most exquisite work of all our life was done in those days when it was so dark.

If you are in the deep shadows because of some strange, mysterious providence, do not be afraid. Simply go on in faith and love, never doubting. God is watching, and He will bring good and beauty out of all your pain and tears. --J. R. Miller