Stewardship

What do you think of when you hear the term 'stewardship'? Since going back to church last year, I've really been convicted about being a good steward of what God has given me - especially when it comes to my flat and how I treat it and care for it. That's where it started. It has since gone to how I treat my body, my time, money and now, to the gifts God has given me.

I've been up and down when it comes to caring about my flat. I came back this year with a new conviction to clean my flat and really keep it tidy. So far, I've made good progress and I'm hoping that by the end of the week or the middle of next week, all I'll have to do is maintain it. Of course, I always aim for that, but at some point, I lose track of why I'm doing it. Still, it is something I feel God has placed on my heart to honour Him in and I will keep trying and praying that He will help me to honour Him there.

What I've started praying about is also how to honour God in time, at work and with money. Today on the way to work I was listening to a 'sermon' on my iPod. It was by Cornerstone Church in Simi Valley and it was more a question and answer session from 28 November 2010. I recommend listening to it. Really challenging and I found that I agreed with everything, which meant that I had to put what God has convicted me of into practise. With time and work, I'd already realised and started praying about it. With money, I'd just scratched the surface and saw my lack of trust that God really would provide for all my needs and wants. I also saw what my attitude was when it came to tithing and that this also had to do with my lack of trust - very much like the Israelites who took more manna then they needed because they didn't think there'd be any the day after.

So, with my body, I really need to start doing exercise and cook more for myself. Also, I need to start incorporating more fruit and vegetables into my diet and cut down on coffee. I'm leaving the food and body part till February because I still have some stuff to do with my flat and I want to get that in order before I do anything else. I realise that my aims are too unrealistic and so I usually fail and then give up. Part of what I learned over Christmas was to set realistic goals and to realise that you probably will fail for whatever reason, but to pick yourself up and move on. So far, it has worked. Taking the whole week into perspective and assigning tasks for each day. Really going well. Flat first, then body.

The money issue really got to me because it was an offence to God and how can I doubt His goodness and faithfulness?! But the one that really cut me deep in this question and answer session was about what you're doing with the gifts God gave you. Man! I'm doing nothing. I swear I am just hiding! I've buried my talents in the ground. The guy who was speaking basically reminded me of the truth, which is that God put me in this church and He gave me certain gifts and He gave them to me to be a blessing in the church that I am in. They are not just for me. They are God's, given to me for His glory and to be a blessing to my brothers and sisters in Christ.

Don't get me wrong. I am doing some things like Sunday School and serving tea and coffee, but I could really be singing and looking out for more ways to get involved. A big reason I'm not doing more is fear. I was so involved at CU and my last church. I don't want to be taken for granted and used again. Also, the other side of it is a lack of love for the people in my church. Sure, there are people that I really care about, but I want to hide and not be seen. I want to be able to run away if I feel threatened. But here also reveals the lack of trust I have in the goodness and perfection of God's will for my life. Do I really think that I went to MICC by chance? No! I don't. And just like the hand can't say to the foot, "I don't need you!" I can't as a member of the body if Christ say that to the church and I also can't say that I will not do the task that God has brought me here to do.

Of course, I will now seriously have to start praying about how God wants me to serve the people in my life and the church He has put me

I always find the beginning of a new year really difficult. It seems like there is always so much to think about and process. This year it was particularly difficult because the year ended so quickly. I feel like it was Christmas and New Year before I was ready for it. I mean, don't get me wrong, I was so ready for a holiday, but where did the year go? I don't think I have really had a chance to really reflect on the year at all and to be honest, I can't really remember much about the details of this year!!

In summary, things I'm thankful for:

- real friends

I feel like there are at least a couple of people who are really my friends. I have one girl here who is a friend too, but there is something much deeper and more meaningful when the people are Christians.

- relationship with God

Now I can say that I really have a relationship with God again. I need to pray and read the Bible and establish some sort of routine where I am spending time with God daily. I did that over the holidays and it was so beneficial. I totally felt the difference.

- a church and small group

OK, so my church isn't perfect, but which one is? And my small group is a little too big. But I have a place to go that has great teaching and I have a small group where I have people who care about me.

- an accountability partner

We haven't been able to meet as regularly as we would have liked because of work and she has to travel for work a lot, but the times we have met have been really great and I know there is a real desire to pray for each other and build each other up in the Lord.

- legal status as a freelancer

It was great that Thomas helped me so much to sort out the pension insurance and I had help establishing my health insurance. Now I have nothing to worry about in terms of the legality of my position. Phew!

Things to pray for for this year:

- tax situation

There is a weird situation with my last employer where basically I was lied to and it seems I have evaded taxes for the last 2 years. I have had a tax adviser for the last few months who has been helping me and he suggested that it might be cheaper for me to pay the taxes back to the UK. I can't go into much detail here, but I have written to the UK tax authorities and have heard nothing as yet. I think my best bet would be to fill in a couple of self-assessment forms for the last 2 years and go from there. But I'm facing a bill of at least £3,500. I don't know where the money will come from and I hope I'll be able to pay it back in installments.

- work

I have 'contracts' with four different schools. It would be great if they offered me more work and I can have more courses with them, as that would mean a little bit of stability. God has been really good for the last couple of months, where I sometimes had almost too much work. It would be great this year to get to a point where I don't constantly have to worry every month about having enough money to live. Praise God I always have enough money to pay my bills and rent!!

- deeper relationship with God and knowledge of the Bible

I would really like to grow closer to God this year and be even closer to the woman He wants me to be. My aim is to be like Ruth, who submitted to God's will, patient, gentle and obeyed without question. Also, would like to make a commitment to read the Bible - not necessarily study it - but read it. I haven't done that for ages. There is something so uplifting to your spirit just reading or listening to the Bible.

Those are the main things I guess. Feel a little better having taken at least a brief look at my life over the last year and the year ahead. God bless you this new year and I hope He will bless you with a deeper knowledge of Him and His ways. :)