Grace is always undeserved

This week I have been overwhelmed by so many things. So many things are happening in every one's lives around me. I don't really know how to deal with it. What I should have done is prayed about it all, but as yet, I haven't.

I have been struggling financially for the past few weeks and on Thursday, someone gave me a vast sum of money because God had placed it on their heart to do so. I was so blessed at the generosity of someone I really haven't known for long. She gave it to me so that I can start putting money aside for going to Malaysia.

However, this situation has revealed to me just how short-sighted I am by God's provision. As you may remember from a post earlier this year, I have a horrible tax situation coming up with a bill that may amount to close to £4000. As much as God has been good to provide some money toward me saving to go to Malaysia, I am questioning this fear and anxiety that is building up in my heart about this tax situation. I wish I could explain everything, but it really is so very complicated.

I had a very long conversation with one of my friends today about various things, but at the very end she said, "You have seen God's provision first-hand in your life this week. Do you really believe that in this tax situation where you are trying to do the right thing and the legal thing, with the intention of honouring God through it - do you really think that God's provision will not come through for that?" All I can do is answer honestly - my head knows that she's right, but my heart is prone to becoming anxious about it.

I also realised that I have such a huge tendency to focus on the mountain in front of me and not on God. Don't I remember that God is bigger than the mountain?

Another thing going through my mind is how much I didn't deserve to have this nice thing happen to me when so many of my friends have had such a bad week this week. But another thing I was reminded of is that in all these things, God is being good. To all of us. He is doing something and in that something He is drawing us closer to Him and shaping us into the people He wants us to be. And don't I know that nothing that we have is deserved? Aren't our daily lives a picture of the undeserved grace of God?

I guess this is why it is important to spend time with God daily. We need that consistent reminder of who God is and I guess this is why God always asked the Israelites to remember who He is and what He did for them in the past. It is only in this constant reminder of God's past faithfulness that we can truly be assured of His faithfulness in the present and future.