Convenience

It's just occurred to me that this is a big idol that I have. The other one is financial security. I forget that sometimes God takes us out of our comfort zones so that we can grow more dependent on him and less on ourselves.

I really like my comfort and I desire financial security. I'm a freelancer, so work is really important to me, but recently, I have worked so much that I have had no energy left to pursue friendships and to meet my commitments to church. I also am so tired that all I can do is do my daily Bible reading. I really needed that penny dropping moment to see that I was pursuing an idol, when I should be pursuing God and I should trust God to provide for all that I need instead of relying on my own strength and abilities.

I go through highs and lows. In the highs, I am so aware of how much I need God and how powerful prayer is and also how necessary. It is so ridiculous how quickly we forget the most important thing in our lives... But it is equally good to realise how far we've wandered from the path so that we can turn back and head in the right direction again.

How great is it that the God we serve is patient and remembers that we are but dust!

Superficiality

I had a really depressing conversation with my flatmate this afternoon. I won't go in to all the details, but basically we were talking about how people get treated differently based on how they look. She thought that it must be different in the church because everybody is trying to be better people. Unfortunately, that's not true... Or at least not in my experience...

Long story short - you can't escape superficiality. Not even at church. It's so sad... But how do you change that??

I'm feeling a little bit overwhelmed at the moment. Life seems to be getting on top of me and I feel like I'm constantly tired. It's funny how at times like these the first thing that got out is any time spent on God. I haven't read my Bible, done my scripture memorising and I haven't prayed. Though the prayer part is the strangest...

I realised a couple of weeks ago that though I did read the Bible and do Bible studies, I very rarely really prayed. And now I am not doing anything at all... And yes, I do think there is a connection there... 

At Gisselle's funeral - the girl who died in the last post - I learned of how devoted she was to prayer and that was such a great challenge. Though she wasn't a very lose friend at all, she always came across as centred and  at peace and it must've been her constant contact with God. But what I don't understand is why we always stop? We don't stop breathing or eating or even showering when we're tired, but isn't time with God and especially praying just as important as all those things?

It's so much easier to do or to waste time reading, watching movies or playing computer games and just shutting your mind off, but really the most important thing is to spend time with our Father... I mean, then you are less stressed and less frequently grumpy and you have the strength to care... Also, when we're tired, that's when the enemy attacks...

Anyway, I know all this and yet I am frequently here. I need to get back on my feet and start again. And start first with prayer... Pfff! This walking with God business is hard. We - at least I do - so often forget just how vital he is for my life to function properly...