I feel a bit overwhelmed. I have had so much great teaching since the women's retreat in the middle of October, that I feel like my brain really doesn't know how to cope. I'm not entirely sure where I should begin and what I have to change first. There seems to be too much. The problem then is the temptation to do it all at once and I'm almost certain it will lead to failure and then discouragement.

So how do you prioritise the things in your life that you have to fix? Any ideas? Is it only by praying? Do you go with the one that you are struggling with now?

The thing is - if we look at idols - the issue is not the idol itself, but why it is an idol in the first place. What are the underlying issues? And we have to think about it with EVERY one of them. And then, we have to get rid of it and replace it with the gospel. It sounds so straighforward, but really it's so difficult.

But I suppose this comes down to my last post too, doesn't it? Turn your eyes away from yourself and fix them on Jesus. When you turn to an idol, you think it can satisfy you more than God, but it can't. It never will be able to. Hmmm... I guess the thing is to stop being anxious and start praying...

Idols

I suppose it has dawned on most people that the reason that God speaks out against having idols is because they really destroy your life. When you have one - or two or three - it distracts from the one thing that can satisfy you, i.e. God. Why is it that we have them in the first place? And how do you get to a point where an idol is more important than God?

I'm not so good at remembering Bible verses, but worship songs also help:

Hungry, I come to you for I know you satisfy.

I am empty, but I know your love does not run dry.

AND

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.

How do you get rid of an idol? That was what the sermon today was about. First, I should repent and then rejoice in the truth of the Gospel and then rest in God. Those were the basic three points. Wouldn't it be nice if repentance was a one off thing and not something you had to do every day?

It's funny, isn't it, that a simple desire, that in itself is not a bad thing, can slowly turn into an obsession and take over your life? So much so that when that desire is not fulfilled, it's almost like your whole world falls apart around you. Thinking about it, it's so obvious that it's clearly wrong, but how many of us have fallen into that trap?

The key is always the same, isn't it? Pray, and spend time in the word. Get to know God. Recognise his voice. Learn what his will is. Rely on his strength to be able to do it. It's so simple and yet so difficult to do daily.

I want to want God for his sake and not for the blessings. If only it were easy to live every day knowing and believing with your whole heart that because we have God, we already have everything we could possibly want and need.

Serving God

So, throughout the last month I have been pretty miserable about the fact that I haven't had much work and I have had far too much time to think and daydream and basically waste my time. But at the weekend, I finally sat down and stopped sulking for a bit and did a Bible study and prayed. This was mainly because I was on Sunday School and I really didn't want to do it without having spent some time with God. It occurred to me that I have spent so much time thinking how I would achieve something, thinking through what I should do to get what I want and sulking about how I don't have much work. But, I think God wants me to be here in Munich, in the church I am currently going to and to be in the lives of the people who have come into my life. And I haven't been using time to serve God or the people in my life or church. It occurred to me - FINALLY - that there must've been a reason God gave me so much time and I misused it.

My Bible study and a couple of sermons I have heard recently have dealt with this issue. I am here to serve God and not to serve myself. The sermon I heard this morning really moved me and challenged me. I have been wasting sooo much time!! I spoke to my pastor at small group last night and told him that I'd like to use my time to serve people, so if he hears of anything I might be able to do, I could do it. And I really need to start praying about what God wants me to do here or if he doesn't want me here, then I need to be able to leave here despite the attachments I have now. I also really need to devote time to God because I need to be able to recognise the voice of God and to follow his leading. I can't do this without spending time with God and getting to know him.

My life has been so consumed with a boy in particular and work and all other crap. I haven't asked God what he wants me to do here. My life was saved for more than just waiting to be a wife, working as a teacher and earning money. It is supposed to be about serving God and being in a relationship with him. I need to put him first and realise with my whole being that what he wants is best and his way is so much better than mine.

Your will, Lord, not mine.