Over the last few days I've been wondering how people cope without having God in their lives. I've been struggling with having a relationship with God over the last few months because I'm not sure exactly what being a Christian means anymore. I have spent far too much time looking to Christians for guidance and it led me to be disillusioned about my faith in general because I was looking to man and not God. For a little while it made me even wonder about whether I was even a Christian. I read some parts of my blog from this time last year and I was amazed at my faith then, but also amazed at how far from it I am now!
I've had to cut some ties with some people I really love recently because I need to be in a place where I don't have any distractions. I have to work this out on my own, obviously with God's help, but that makes this whole walk so lonely. I do feel incredibly empty and alone because I've forgotten what it means to have a relationship with God. I don't know where to start. And for the life of me, I can't understand how people can ignore the gaping whole in them! It's only been a few months and without God my life seemed so empty and pointless. There's just no meaning in anything and no purpose to anything. Everyday began and ended the same - thankless and empty. I knew I had to do something about it - I just couldn't take it anymore.
My lesson learned so far is that if I want to learn how to be a Christian, I should look at Jesus and not other Christians because - this is fairly basic stuff - Jesus is God and people are just people. I read Mere Christianity and I'm reading the Pursuit of God on the train to work. Think I might look at Mark and study Jesus afresh. I've been through enough to know that I don't want a life without God. No thanks. I don't understand why anyone would.
No comments:
Post a Comment