Well, I suppose it's about time I blog again... I've been lazy with it because I've been sooo ridiculously tired. I think I may be anaemic. Not exaggerating or being a hyperchondriac. I have been slightly anaemic since my treatment, so it's not a total jump... I kept fainting the other night and my GP thinks it might have been a moment of low blood pressure. But we won't know for sure I guess... My GP's going to give me a check up next Tuesday, so I'll know then.
As for spiritual health: I can't say I've made any progress. I have no idea whatsoever how I'm supposed to rely on God for strength. I had a problem with that even when I was sure I was a Christian. The only time I got it right was when I had cancer and I'd rather learn how do it when I'm well than just be critically ill just so I can know God better. I think I'm just where I was - I know that I cannot live without God and that I want to be a Christian. But I have no idea whatsoever of how to live with God - how to be a Christian.
My problem is that I have always looked to other Christians as an example. Now the fact that Paul said to follow him as he follows Christ makes so much sense. Even Paul wasn't the 'right' example. Only Jesus. But I have no idea how to do that since the gospel stories are so familiar, they fall on deaf ears. But I also get distracted by Christians, expecially those that make me cringe to be associated with. That also is a 'plank in my eye' problem... Sandyford has been going through Matthew and they've been really well done sermons - very expansive, information and helpful. My problem is in application... I just have to wait and see, I suppose...
I guess I'm never really going to be 'sorted out', but I do want to be at a place where I know that God is definitely there...
May 18, 2007
May 04, 2007
Interview and revelations...
First of all, I just want to let you know that I heard from NOVA today and my interview is in Edinburgh on 31 May!!
Next, here is what I've learned about God:
I've recently discovered that EVERYONE is selfish - that is why we sin. The person I love most in my life, no matter what I may think, is me. That's why the law can be summarised with just 2 commands - love the Lord with all your heart, soul and mind and love your neighbour as yourself. There's no room in either of those for just 'ME'. I've also realised that that is all you need for marriage. Us Christians have a tendency to complicate things and complicate rules but we forget what Jesus told us in the Sermon on the Mount. If that is all we need for life, that is all we need for marriage. I've put up with this lie that you have to be somehow spiritually 'superior' to be 'ready' for marriage for too long, but I've since realised that these are both lies. When you approach anything, it's about your heart attitude and you're never 'ready' to do it, just ready to learn from it. That's what God's been teaching me.
All the 'lies' I was talking about, they were very loud at Calvary and I kept thinking there was something wrong with me. There was some other stuff that made me think that maybe I wasn't actually a Christian because I wasn't seeing things like everyone else was. I have since seen that the only thing wrong with me is sin and the only person who can do anything about it is God. Everything really is that simple. And like Chris Hoy told me, all those months ago, all I need to be a Christian is to believe that Jesus is the son of God and that Him dying on the cross freed me from sins and in doing so opened the way up for me to have a relationship with God. Doctrine doesn't matter - of course, we have to obedient to God, but that comes down to what I said above, if we love God and other people more than ourselves, we'll sin less (all with God's help of course).
Since realising all this stuff, I do feel free and I do feel like I finally understand how Jesus' yoke is light. It is. We Christians get in our own way. It's quite absurd. Oh well. Learning to love God and everyone else more than I love myself is going to be tough, but it is a LOT easier than trying to be like all the other Christians. I have to find my own way of relating to God. The Pursuit of God has really helped with that. What an eye opener! I highly recommend it - along with Mere Christianity. They really set out Christianity and relating to God in such a straightforward way. But I also highly recommend the Bible. It's all about grace and God's help. Love the Lord your God with your heart, soul and mind, and love your neighbour as you love yourself. There is true wisdom in both these commands. It is ALL you need.
That's it.
Next, here is what I've learned about God:
I've recently discovered that EVERYONE is selfish - that is why we sin. The person I love most in my life, no matter what I may think, is me. That's why the law can be summarised with just 2 commands - love the Lord with all your heart, soul and mind and love your neighbour as yourself. There's no room in either of those for just 'ME'. I've also realised that that is all you need for marriage. Us Christians have a tendency to complicate things and complicate rules but we forget what Jesus told us in the Sermon on the Mount. If that is all we need for life, that is all we need for marriage. I've put up with this lie that you have to be somehow spiritually 'superior' to be 'ready' for marriage for too long, but I've since realised that these are both lies. When you approach anything, it's about your heart attitude and you're never 'ready' to do it, just ready to learn from it. That's what God's been teaching me.
All the 'lies' I was talking about, they were very loud at Calvary and I kept thinking there was something wrong with me. There was some other stuff that made me think that maybe I wasn't actually a Christian because I wasn't seeing things like everyone else was. I have since seen that the only thing wrong with me is sin and the only person who can do anything about it is God. Everything really is that simple. And like Chris Hoy told me, all those months ago, all I need to be a Christian is to believe that Jesus is the son of God and that Him dying on the cross freed me from sins and in doing so opened the way up for me to have a relationship with God. Doctrine doesn't matter - of course, we have to obedient to God, but that comes down to what I said above, if we love God and other people more than ourselves, we'll sin less (all with God's help of course).
Since realising all this stuff, I do feel free and I do feel like I finally understand how Jesus' yoke is light. It is. We Christians get in our own way. It's quite absurd. Oh well. Learning to love God and everyone else more than I love myself is going to be tough, but it is a LOT easier than trying to be like all the other Christians. I have to find my own way of relating to God. The Pursuit of God has really helped with that. What an eye opener! I highly recommend it - along with Mere Christianity. They really set out Christianity and relating to God in such a straightforward way. But I also highly recommend the Bible. It's all about grace and God's help. Love the Lord your God with your heart, soul and mind, and love your neighbour as you love yourself. There is true wisdom in both these commands. It is ALL you need.
That's it.
May 01, 2007
Off to Japan...?
Well, FINALLY I've sent off my application to NOVA. I sent it off yesterday and have been checking my email every five minutes since. Guess it'll take a while before they get back to me, but I'm so excited!! It all seems so surreal. I am kinda worried about it as I had cancer and so that might affect my health insurance, but I hope it'll all work out...
Work was hectic today because most of the staff were on strike. I had to do a lot, but it was fine because before I knew it, it was 4.30 and then once I finished what I had to do, I could go home. Phew!
Also, A Life Less Ordinary arrived in the post today! Woohoo! It's my favourite film in the whole world!! Those who haven't seen it have to. It's hillarious! Heehee!
Had a good weekend with regard to learning things about God, but more about that later. I'm off to watch my DVD. Anyone who wants to borrow it should. I'm going to make you watch it anyway. :P
Work was hectic today because most of the staff were on strike. I had to do a lot, but it was fine because before I knew it, it was 4.30 and then once I finished what I had to do, I could go home. Phew!
Also, A Life Less Ordinary arrived in the post today! Woohoo! It's my favourite film in the whole world!! Those who haven't seen it have to. It's hillarious! Heehee!
Had a good weekend with regard to learning things about God, but more about that later. I'm off to watch my DVD. Anyone who wants to borrow it should. I'm going to make you watch it anyway. :P
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)