3 statements that describe me very well just at this moment in time. Actually, to be honest, more like the last few weeks. Yup, it's just like me to be scared now that I'm cured of cancer, but during that whole saga, I was fine. Typical!
I used to get so annoyed at the Israelites for forgetting what God had done for them and going back to their old habits. God's just been so absolutely brilliant to me and cured me of cancer for goodness sake! And I had a surgeon and an oncologist who were at the top of their field to take care of me. God provided the best! And now I'm scared about evangelism, Malaysia, witnessing to my family, Japan, marriage, and losing all my friends. How ridiculous! Am I so stupid and do I know God so little as to presume that that is it? That He is no longer going to be good to me or protect me or watch over me just because he cured me of cancer? "C'mon Steph. You know Him better than that!"
Since the Bible study on Abigail (I did that at the ladies' bible two weeks ago), God has shown me at least one thing I have been either afraid of or anxious about every day. These things are things I haven't given over to God because I must have a part of my brain that forgets that God's plan is perfect and so is His timing. I don't seem to be able to remember 24 hours a day that God is good and He only has the best for me. He really has been asking me to fear only Him, to trust wholly and wholeheartedly in Him alone and to be patient for His timing.
What I don't understand is that it's difficult to trust God and be patient. Intellectually, knowing what I know about God, I know it is best. I should consider all things a loss in comparison to knowing Jesus as Paul says in Philippians, but I don't. It's utterly ridiculous! But I'm praying about it and it's something I will have to give over to God every day. You'd think that leaving something in the Lord's hands would be easy, but somehow I'd rather keep it and work it out for myself. I'd save myself so much heartache if only I'd just trust Him and be patient.
2 comments:
God is stuck with us
and often we are stuck with us too.
I've often prayed that God would take more control in my life but for reasons best known to himself God leaves us with a big chunk of 'self' to deal with.
I feel that's the way it is and that's the way it has to be.
I agree with what u had to say.God hep us who help him/her self.we have to plan what we want to do..gui gui
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