I discovered today that 40 lengths of the pool I've been swimming in is a kilometre today. I'm excited at the thought that I can swim a kilolmetre! I managed to get to 42 lengths last week, but I think that I'll just stick to 40 since 1km is a good distance. I think it's 60 or 65 lengths that make a mile, but that's a little to adventurous for me. It would take me like an hour and a half! I think I spend far too much time there as it is...
I'm still finding it incredibly difficult to motivate myself to spend time with God. Why is that? I can't quite work it out because it's God! Why is it easier to spend time with friends or family? Goodness, why is it easier to watch TV? Everything in the last few months especially was supposed to bring me closer to Him and yet I can't make myself go sit and be with Him. It's totally ridiculous. Once again I feel like adulterous Gomer from Hosea. Why can't God be enough? Is it because I don't really know Him?
And why was it easier to trust God about cancer, but not about my personal life? Is it because cancer was so big, I just had to hand it over to Him? I totally know that if I had been spending time with God as I should have, I probably wouldn't be anxious or worried about my future. A lot of it is that I just don't have that much to do. You can only iron so long and dishes don't take that long to wash... I can't wait to start my course again. It'll be so great having something to do. I'll probably moan then about not having enough time, but hey... I find being content in the circumstance I'm in difficult. I think my underlying issue is that I just don't trust God and that's because I just don't know Him and I can't get to know Him if i don't spend time with Him, so here we are back to my struggle. Man, I just need to get over myself and spend time with Him!
3 comments:
You don't have to seperate yourself from people or from activities or even inaminate things in order to spend time with God - God is in all of these and you don't have to always be alone to be with God or spend time with him. Jesus looked for and found his Father God permeating the bustle of his daily life.
I know. But I find that I ignore Him altogether in these situations and forget He is there. I've been ignoring Him in everything...
You would only be really ignoring Him if you didn't know or weren't aware you were ignoring Him, because you are conscious of this it means God is on your mind. What I think you are feeling is that you're not giving God His rightful or proper place in your life at the moment.
Life is so strange sometimes and so difficult to work out, at times all we can do is trust and wait.
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