Serving God

So, throughout the last month I have been pretty miserable about the fact that I haven't had much work and I have had far too much time to think and daydream and basically waste my time. But at the weekend, I finally sat down and stopped sulking for a bit and did a Bible study and prayed. This was mainly because I was on Sunday School and I really didn't want to do it without having spent some time with God. It occurred to me that I have spent so much time thinking how I would achieve something, thinking through what I should do to get what I want and sulking about how I don't have much work. But, I think God wants me to be here in Munich, in the church I am currently going to and to be in the lives of the people who have come into my life. And I haven't been using time to serve God or the people in my life or church. It occurred to me - FINALLY - that there must've been a reason God gave me so much time and I misused it.

My Bible study and a couple of sermons I have heard recently have dealt with this issue. I am here to serve God and not to serve myself. The sermon I heard this morning really moved me and challenged me. I have been wasting sooo much time!! I spoke to my pastor at small group last night and told him that I'd like to use my time to serve people, so if he hears of anything I might be able to do, I could do it. And I really need to start praying about what God wants me to do here or if he doesn't want me here, then I need to be able to leave here despite the attachments I have now. I also really need to devote time to God because I need to be able to recognise the voice of God and to follow his leading. I can't do this without spending time with God and getting to know him.

My life has been so consumed with a boy in particular and work and all other crap. I haven't asked God what he wants me to do here. My life was saved for more than just waiting to be a wife, working as a teacher and earning money. It is supposed to be about serving God and being in a relationship with him. I need to put him first and realise with my whole being that what he wants is best and his way is so much better than mine.

Your will, Lord, not mine.