January

I thought I would reflect on the last six months and see what God has taught me over this time. A couple of people have asked me already and I've been thinking about it too, so I thought I'd reflect on one month at a time and see what God has been teaching me. I'm just doing this off the top of my head so bear with me. Here goes:

January
Well, I was already looking around 5-6 months pregnant at this point. I was feeling really uncomfortable because my tumour was pressing down on my stomach and other organs much like a growing foetus would, but I didn't realise that was what it was at the time. I thought I was putting on weight and I couldn't figure out why because I was being extra careful with what I was eating and also I was beginning to lose my appetite. Also, the weird thing was that I seemed to be putting on weight only on my belly. I felt really strange and uncomfortable and was beginning to be anxious about what was wrong with me. I could feel two edges on my belly - one on the top left and one on the bottom right. I wanted to know what it was.

I'd just changed GPs and was waiting for my new patient's registration with the nurse, but stuff kept happening to put it off. Fortunately, my GP was one of my mum's friends and she arranged to see me before I was officially registered. I'd gone to another practice before that and the GP there had said I had a urine infection. Oh how wrong he was! Praise the Lord for my mum's friend stepping up and suggesting I moved to her practice!

Oh, before I'd seen the GP, I had gone to Paris - something I'd planned way before it looked like something was wrong with me. So, I'd gone to Paris feeling quite uncomfortable and only able to eat brioche and crepes and then when I got to Clermont-Ferrand, I had weird symptoms, but Rosie was a lovely nurse. By this point, I really wanted some answers.

So, I finally got to see my GP and she felt it too. She couldn't tell where it was coming from so arranged an ultrasound, but the rest of this leads to February, so I'll leave that to another time.

I wasn't at the best place with God. I was in one of my lulls, one of those periods of time when I wasn't doing my quiet times and bible studies regularly. I don't remember being overly anxious, just frustrated and uncomfortable. I was also beginning to think I might have cancer. I know this sounds really strange, but the idea was already sinking in and I already had a feeling that might be it. Of course, I dismissed those ideas and told myself I was being stupid. Truly God had been trying to prepare me for the shock of it all, but I wasn't meeting with him daily, so I didn't recognise his warning as coming from him.

So January was largely a time of anticipation and serious physical discomfort. Of course if God intends for me to have children later on, I will have that discomfort all over again, though this time the prize at the end will be worth it all. :-) (Actually, in saying that, the prize for all this will be worth it all too.) I had also just begun my CELTA course, so my mind was full of that. I'm really thankful for that distraction because otherwise I think I may have freaked out. Though I was never meant to qualify till next year, it was great that God put me on it so that I didn't worry too much about my belly. :-)