When I think about this time last year, it's hard to remember what I was thinking or feeling. All I remember is that I was so happy and relieved that Ruth had finally left. I'd had a really good class that I loved and I'd made a Slovak friend - Eva. As far as teaching and making friends at work went, the situation wasn't as good as it is now with Munich. I'd finally gotten used to the teaching and I was better and more confident than when I started, but I didn't feel as settled and happy as I do now in my job, but I liked it all the same because I knew that it could only get better after Ruth - and it did. And I also remember how strange it felt being home last year and how I felt much more at home in Bratislava. That is all so weird to me now because now, a year later, as much as I love Munich and my job and flat, home feels like home again. But it did again once I came back from Bratislava, so that makes sense. :)
So much has happened this year already. So many unexpected, lovely and horrible things. In this year, I've been to 4 countries already - Slovakia, Czech Republic, Germany and Austria. Also, I was in England for a month, but that I guess doesn't really count... Or maybe it does... I don't know. I've also had 3 jobs. Thinking about all that has happened since this time last year makes me feel overwhelmed! I'm now relieved that I'm staying on in Munich for 2 years and this time next year, I can only feel more settled in my job, but also, I'll feel more settled in Munich as a whole and I'll feel like I actually live there. It was easier in Bratislava because it's so small, but Munich is HUGE - it doesn't feel like it, but it is! It's lovely though and I'm glad I moved there.
I've met some really nice people and a couple of realistic Christians and that's helped me in the past few weeks. People who really understand what I went through with CU and my church and who I don't feel have judged me and have made me feel that I can go back and fit in again. That's been great. I still don't feel ready to go back to church full time, but I know now that I'm moving in that direction and I feel good about it.
Generally, over the last couple of years, I've started to feel happier about myself. I've always had self-esteem issues, but somehow, the church made it worse. I'm happy with the way I look now and it's such a relief not having to feel guilty about everything and not having to analyse every motive before deciding to do something. I'm happy with who I am as a whole, which is something I was never able to feel as a Christian. It's a relief! But now I feel ready to accept that I still need God, but maybe I just don't Christians in the same way as I did before. And that's a healthier place to be, I think. I've stopped being bitter and angry, so I've moved forward and the only way I think I can go is back to God, who accepts me for exactly all that I am in a way I know from experience a lot of Christians haven't done and aren't able to do. But it makes me love Jesus all the more because He knows exactly how terrible I am and loves me anyway. It's been good to find out that my closest friends are like that and to find 2 more in Munich.
So, next year, there's a lot of good to look forward to. And a lot more lovely, unexpected and horrible things too. I just hope that these last couple of weeks of this year will see me being able to move on from the hurts of this last year so I can look forward to what's coming in the next one. I know now things - in general - can only get better. So here's to that! Bring on the new year! :D
So much has happened this year already. So many unexpected, lovely and horrible things. In this year, I've been to 4 countries already - Slovakia, Czech Republic, Germany and Austria. Also, I was in England for a month, but that I guess doesn't really count... Or maybe it does... I don't know. I've also had 3 jobs. Thinking about all that has happened since this time last year makes me feel overwhelmed! I'm now relieved that I'm staying on in Munich for 2 years and this time next year, I can only feel more settled in my job, but also, I'll feel more settled in Munich as a whole and I'll feel like I actually live there. It was easier in Bratislava because it's so small, but Munich is HUGE - it doesn't feel like it, but it is! It's lovely though and I'm glad I moved there.
I've met some really nice people and a couple of realistic Christians and that's helped me in the past few weeks. People who really understand what I went through with CU and my church and who I don't feel have judged me and have made me feel that I can go back and fit in again. That's been great. I still don't feel ready to go back to church full time, but I know now that I'm moving in that direction and I feel good about it.
Generally, over the last couple of years, I've started to feel happier about myself. I've always had self-esteem issues, but somehow, the church made it worse. I'm happy with the way I look now and it's such a relief not having to feel guilty about everything and not having to analyse every motive before deciding to do something. I'm happy with who I am as a whole, which is something I was never able to feel as a Christian. It's a relief! But now I feel ready to accept that I still need God, but maybe I just don't Christians in the same way as I did before. And that's a healthier place to be, I think. I've stopped being bitter and angry, so I've moved forward and the only way I think I can go is back to God, who accepts me for exactly all that I am in a way I know from experience a lot of Christians haven't done and aren't able to do. But it makes me love Jesus all the more because He knows exactly how terrible I am and loves me anyway. It's been good to find out that my closest friends are like that and to find 2 more in Munich.
So, next year, there's a lot of good to look forward to. And a lot more lovely, unexpected and horrible things too. I just hope that these last couple of weeks of this year will see me being able to move on from the hurts of this last year so I can look forward to what's coming in the next one. I know now things - in general - can only get better. So here's to that! Bring on the new year! :D
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