I think I finally understand why couples are so introverted and once they've found each other seem to only need each other or be in danger of imploding if they are away from each other for any length of time. It's what we all crave and desire more than anything - someone to love us for all that we are and to need us; also someone to trust and depend on. If I'm honest, that's exactly what I want. More than anything, I want someone to value me and to take care of me. I'm beginning to wonder f other than my mum, there is ever going to be anyone. I love my mum more than I can begin to describe, but I think you know that the kind o thing I really, really want is more than a mother's love. My friends have all moved on and in a day, I'm going to be spending time with a bunch of my friends who have mostly all found their other halves. Where's mine? Am I not good enough to have one? Is it ever going to be my turn?!

Man, I'm so stupid to have thought that Paul could be anything like that. He was so sweet and romantic. How was I to know that it'd all be over as soon as it began? And now he won't even talk to me and why? That, thankfully, is not just something I can't understand, but other folk can't either, so I don't feel entirely stupid. He was so helpful when I was looking for a flat and now nothing. Not even a response to a merry Christmas message, which is downright rude to be honest. It's not like I was bugging him and annoying him. I gave him space and well, now he clearly doesn't even have any desire to even be civil. That hurts a lot. The first guy to have been so lovely and to have taken an interest in me and it lasted about as long as a deep breath. Kinda made me feel like there's no hope.

Ok, so I guess that's not entirely true. Just have to wait and see. I'm just beginning to live the life I've wanted to for so long. It's only a matter of time, right? :S