Secret Fellowship

What a blessing it was to read these words in my devotion! How much did I need to hear them!

"Thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, This is the way, walk ye in it, when ye turn to the right hand, and when ye turn to the left" (Isa. 30:21).

When we are in doubt or difficulty, when many voices urge this course or the other, when prudence utters one advice and faith another, then let us be still, hushing each intruder, calming ourselves in the sacred hush of God's presence; let us study His Word in the attitude of devout attention; let us lift up our nature into the pure light of His face, eager only to know what God the Lord shall determine--and ere long a very distinct impression will be made, the unmistakable forth-telling of His secret counsel.

It is not wise in the earlier stages of Christian life to depend on this alone, but to wait for the corroboration of circumstances. But those who have had many dealings with God know well the value of secret fellowship with Him, to ascertain His will.

Are you in difficulty about your way? Go to God with your question; get direction from the light of His smile or the cloud of His refusal.

If you will only get alone, where the lights and shadows of earth cannot interfere, where human opinions fail to reach and if you will dare to wait there silent and expectant, though all around you insist on immediate decision or action--the will of God will be made clear; and you will have a new conception of God, a deeper insight into His nature and heart of love, which shall be for yourself alone a rapturous experience, to abide your precious perquisite forever, the rich guerdon of those long waiting hours. --David

January

I thought I would reflect on the last six months and see what God has taught me over this time. A couple of people have asked me already and I've been thinking about it too, so I thought I'd reflect on one month at a time and see what God has been teaching me. I'm just doing this off the top of my head so bear with me. Here goes:

January
Well, I was already looking around 5-6 months pregnant at this point. I was feeling really uncomfortable because my tumour was pressing down on my stomach and other organs much like a growing foetus would, but I didn't realise that was what it was at the time. I thought I was putting on weight and I couldn't figure out why because I was being extra careful with what I was eating and also I was beginning to lose my appetite. Also, the weird thing was that I seemed to be putting on weight only on my belly. I felt really strange and uncomfortable and was beginning to be anxious about what was wrong with me. I could feel two edges on my belly - one on the top left and one on the bottom right. I wanted to know what it was.

I'd just changed GPs and was waiting for my new patient's registration with the nurse, but stuff kept happening to put it off. Fortunately, my GP was one of my mum's friends and she arranged to see me before I was officially registered. I'd gone to another practice before that and the GP there had said I had a urine infection. Oh how wrong he was! Praise the Lord for my mum's friend stepping up and suggesting I moved to her practice!

Oh, before I'd seen the GP, I had gone to Paris - something I'd planned way before it looked like something was wrong with me. So, I'd gone to Paris feeling quite uncomfortable and only able to eat brioche and crepes and then when I got to Clermont-Ferrand, I had weird symptoms, but Rosie was a lovely nurse. By this point, I really wanted some answers.

So, I finally got to see my GP and she felt it too. She couldn't tell where it was coming from so arranged an ultrasound, but the rest of this leads to February, so I'll leave that to another time.

I wasn't at the best place with God. I was in one of my lulls, one of those periods of time when I wasn't doing my quiet times and bible studies regularly. I don't remember being overly anxious, just frustrated and uncomfortable. I was also beginning to think I might have cancer. I know this sounds really strange, but the idea was already sinking in and I already had a feeling that might be it. Of course, I dismissed those ideas and told myself I was being stupid. Truly God had been trying to prepare me for the shock of it all, but I wasn't meeting with him daily, so I didn't recognise his warning as coming from him.

So January was largely a time of anticipation and serious physical discomfort. Of course if God intends for me to have children later on, I will have that discomfort all over again, though this time the prize at the end will be worth it all. :-) (Actually, in saying that, the prize for all this will be worth it all too.) I had also just begun my CELTA course, so my mind was full of that. I'm really thankful for that distraction because otherwise I think I may have freaked out. Though I was never meant to qualify till next year, it was great that God put me on it so that I didn't worry too much about my belly. :-)

It's Raining Blessing

This is something that everyone needs to know or be reminded of. It also blessed me so much and made me look back at times of difficulty and thank God for them. I hope this helps you amidst your difficulty:

"For God hath made me fruitful in the land of my affliction" (Gen. 41:52).

The summer showers are falling. The poet stands by the window watching them. They are beating and buffeting the earth with their fierce downpour. But the poet sees in his imaginings more than the showers which are falling before his eyes. He sees myriads of lovely flowers which shall be soon breaking forth from the watered earth, filling it with matchless beauty and fragrance. And so he sings:

"It isn't raining rain for me, it's raining daffodils;
In every dimpling drop I see wild flowers upon the hills.
A cloud of gray engulfs the day, and overwhelms the town;
It isn't raining rain for me: it's raining roses down."

Perchance some one of God's chastened children is even now saying, "O God, it is raining hard for me tonight.

"Testings are raining upon me which seem beyond my power to endure. Disappointments are raining fast, to the utter defeat of all my chosen plans. Bereavements are raining into my life which are making my shrinking heart quiver in its intensity of suffering. The rain of affliction is surely beating down upon my soul these days."

Withal, friend, you are mistaken. It isn't raining rain for you. It's raining blessing. For, if you will but believe your Father's Word, under that beating rain are springing up spiritual flowers of such fragrance and beauty as never before grew in that stormless, unchastened life of yours.

You indeed see the rain. But do you see also the flowers? You are pained by the testings. But God sees the sweet flower of faith which is upspringing in your life under those very trials.

You shrink from the suffering. But God sees the tender compassion for other sufferers which is finding birth in your soul.

Your heart winces under the sore bereavement. But God sees the deepening and enriching which that sorrow has brought to you.

It isn't raining afflictions for you. It is raining tenderness, love, compassion, patience, and a thousand other flowers and fruits of the blessed Spirit, which are bringing into your life such a spiritual enrichment as all the fullness of worldly prosperity and ease was never able to beget in your innermost soul. --J. M. McC.

Peaceful Rest

I've been struggling with resting and also resting in God, so this devotion was so perfect for me I thought I'd share it:

"My own peace I give to you" (John 14:27, Weymouth).

Two painters each painted a picture to illustrate his conception of rest. The first chose for his scene a still, lone lake among the far-off mountains.

The second threw on his canvas a thundering waterfall, with a fragile birch tree bending over the foam; and at the fork of the branch, almost wet with the cataract's spray, sat a robin on its nest.

The first was only stagnation; the last was rest.

Christ's life outwardly was one of the most troubled lives that ever lived: tempest and tumult, tumult and tempest, the waves breaking over it all the time until the worn body was laid in the grave. But the inner life was a sea of glass. The great calm was always there.

At any moment you might have gone to Him and found rest. And even when the human bloodhounds were dogging Him in the streets of Jerusalem, He turned to His disciples and offered them, as a last legacy, "My peace."

Rest is not a hallowed feeling that comes over us in church; it is the repose of a heart set deep in God. --Drummond

My peace I give in times of deepest grief,
Imparting calm and trust and My relief.

My peace I give when prayer seems lost, unheard;
Know that My promises are ever in My Word.

My peace I give when thou art left alone--
The nightingale at night has sweetest tone.

My peace I give in time of utter loss,
The way of glory leads right to the cross.

My peace I give when enemies will blame,
Thy fellowship is sweet through cruel shame.

My peace I give in agony and sweat,
For mine own brow with bloody drops was wet.

My peace I give when nearest friend betrays
Peace that is merged in love, and for them prays.

My peace I give when there's but death for thee
The gateway is the cross to get to Me.
--L. S. P.

Ninja

It's over!!

Woohoo! No more chemo from now on. Just monthly check-ups for a year and they'll give me a letter to take to Japan so the check-ups can continue on a quarterly basis. They said they won't discharge me for another 5 years. Well, that sounds scary, but really it'll be "How are you? Fine? Good, you still don't have cancer. See you in a few months. Bye."

Oh, and I'm also feeling much better. Thanks for all the prayers. Today was the first morning I woke up without acid in my tummy or my oesophagus. Good stuff!

I'm off to go join the gym. Bye!

Irony

Well, as you know, chemo is pretty much over, but unfortunately, I keep getting more unwell. :-( Well, it's just throwing up, but it hasn't stopped. It started off because of something bad for lunch, and then I was sick again, then I was fine the whole of Tuesday except for a sore stomach, then sick again yesterday morning, then the worst heartburn yet, so bad that I was sick again last night. Lovely!

My GP had prescribed me the lovely tablet they prescribed me in hospital, but even after taking 2, it didn't go away. In fact, it got so bad I had to take more Gaviscon, and that didn''t even help. So, I was sick again. I had to call the GP out to the house and unfortunately, there wasn't much she could do except tell me to keep taking the tablets she'd already prescribed AND a stronger version of the dreaded Gaviscon! Plus, the acid was all stuck in my gullet, which was going into spasms, so I had to sleep sitting up the whole night. Nice!

Well, if that isn't ironic, I really don't know what is - the minute I find out I'm on the road to recovery, my body decides it hasn't quite had enough of being ill...

Bananas

This is some information about bananas that I got from my dad. I thought it was really interesting, so I'm posting it:

Bananas. Containing three natural sugars - sucrose, fructose and glucose combined with fiber, a banana gives an instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy.

Research has proven that just two bananas provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout. No wonder the banana is the number one fruit with the world's leading athletes.

But energy isn't the only way a banana can help us keep fit. It can also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions, making it a must to add to our daily diet.

Depression: According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND amongst people suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating a banana. This is because bananas contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts intoserotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier. PMS: Forget the pills - eat a banana. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood.

Anemia: High in iron, bananas can stimulate the production of haemoglobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anemia.

Blood Pressure: This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt, making it the perfect to beat blood pressure. So much so, the US Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the banana industry to make official claims for the fruit's ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke.

Brain Power: 200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex) school were helped through their exams this year by eating bananas at breakfast, break, and lunch in a bid to boost their brain power. Research has shown that the potassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert.

Constipation: High in fiber, including bananas in the diet can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives.

Hangovers: One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make a banana milkshake, sweetened with honey. The banana calms the stomach and, with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk
soothes and re-hydrates your system.

Heartburn: Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the body, so if you suffer from heartburn, try eating a banana for soothing relief.

Morning Sickness: Snacking on bananas between meals helps to keep blood sugar levels up and avoid morning sickness.

Mosquito bites: Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the affected area with the inside of a banana skin. Many people find it amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation.

Nerves: Bananas are high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system.

Overweight and at work? Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and crisps. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep levels steady.

Ulcers: The banana is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in over-chronicler cases. It also neutralizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach.

Temperature control: Many other cultures see bananas as a "cooling" fruit that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant mothers. In Thailand, for example, pregnant women eat bananas to ensure their baby is born with a cool temperature.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): Bananas can help SAD sufferers because they contain the natural mood enhancer tryptophan.

Smoking: Bananas can also help people trying to give up smoking. The B6, B12 they contain, as well as the potassium and magnesium found in them, help the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal.

Stress: Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the heartbeat, sends oxygen to the brain and regulates your body's water balance. When we are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, thereby reducing our potassium levels. These can be rebalanced with the help of a high-potassium banana snack.

Strokes: According to research in "The New England Journal of Medicine, "eating bananas as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death by strokes by as much as 40%!

Warts: Those keen on natural alternatives swear that if you want to kill off a wart, take a piece of banana skin and place it on the wart, with the yellow side out. Carefully hold the skin in place with a plaster or surgical tape!

So, a banana really is a natural remedy for many ills. When you compare it to an apple, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrate, three times the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the other vitamins and minerals. It is also rich in potassium and is one of the best value foods around.

So maybe its time to change that well-known phrase so that we say, "A banana a day keeps the doctor away!"

No more chemo!!

Yey!! Dr Reed just told me yesterday that he'd already decided to only give me three cycles yesterday. I didn't even have to ask him about it. I'm so relieved. Just one more injection and that is it! Praise the Lord!

Unfortunately, instead of celebrating yesterday, I was being sick because what I'd had for lunch didn't agree with my stomach. So, I was feeling physically miserable yesterday and spent most of it in bed, but inside I was still happy because there'll be no more nasty chemicals pumping through my veins. Thank goodness!

FINALLY! I'M HOME!!!

Whew! I'm sooo glad to be home! I've had a horrible time of miscommunication amongst doctors. I felt really sorry for the nurses because they could only do what they could do, but blegh! Seriously, you medics better learn how to communicate and level with your patients. I was sooo fuming at the registrars and the SHOs this time. Well, it's over and hopefully I'll never have chemo again after tomorrow...

I had to stay in hospital for 5 whole days this time because the SHO panicked and thought I was going deaf. Not exactly sure how he came to that conclusion because all I said was there had been a few occassions - no more than 6 - where I'd had a brief ringing in my ears - no more that a few seconds. So, since Cisplatin can damage your hearing, he was all like "aaaaah! Stephanie's going to get permanent hearing damage" and prolonged my treatment by reducing the dosage. Ok Pete, you're going to stick up for him here and say he was just being careful, but it wasn't nice. Especially because he didn't make it clear and let me know exactly what he was going to do and how long I was staying in for. I would have appreciated it if he'd treated me like an intelligent human being like Dr Davis did. Also, I think I am well within my right to be annoyed with doctors with poor communication skills...

Anyway... I've learned a lot about communication over the past few days - what to say when, how to be clear, how to be personable, and just how bad men are at it all. God was right, men really do need women! I've been so impressed by nurses over the last few days as well. People seem to look down on them, but really, they are amazing people with incredible amounts of care, kindness, patience, knowledge, communication skills, strength and smiles. Some doctors are just jobbies. I wish every doctor were like Dr Davis, Dr Burton and Chris Hoy. They just tell you it like it is and help you understand instead of just assuming you won't. Please medics, don't treat all people like they're stupid; give them a chance.

Also, I've found out that Dexamethasone, an anti-sickness medication I was prescribed, is actually more horrible than Bleomycin. My body has apparently gotten used to the Bleomycin because it's not making me feel as ill this time. The Dexamethasone, however, gave me really bad heartburn so I just didn't take it while I was in hospital. Yup, I slyly put it in the bin when my meds were given to me. Anyway, the doctor eventually took me off them, so it was ok. Still I got awful heartburn when I was in hospital because they'd given me it in a drip 3 days in a row and the acid burned all the way up into my mouth so I couldn't even swallow or anything. Fortunately, the nurses were on the ball and got the doctor to prescribe me this tablet that my tummy all nice. No more Dexamethasone for me, thanks very much. It's evil and more so than Bleomycin because at least the Bleomycin makes friends with your body instead of remaining mortal enemies with it. Plus, I feel less sick this time and I really think it's down to the fact that I was off the Dexamethasone because that's the only thing that's different. I don't know...

Well, enough of my disjointed moaning. If you read this before 12pm on 29 May, please pray that I know what God's will is regarding further chemo treatment. I know I'd like it to stop, but I find it difficult to know how to distinguish what God wants in all this because it's not very clear cut. If God wants me to go on one more lot of chemo, I really want to do that wholeheartedly. I just need to hear his voice clearly. So, if you have a chance, please pray so that the right outcome is reached with Dr Reed tomorrow. Thanks.

The Da Vinci Code

= blatant blasphemy

Yup! I don't like it. It made me really angry watching these characters on the screen telling me that Jesus was just another man who was married to Mary Magdelene and there was someone in France right now who was the heir to Jesus' throne. Oh yeah, which throne is that precisely? The one where Jesus alone can sit on? The one he'll rule from for a thousand years after the great tribulation? Yeah, please tell me how a human being can be as just, fair and wise as God?

And then right at the end, Tom Hanks' character was all like, 'oh it doesn't matter if Jesus was divine or not because I fell down a well and prayed to Jesus and here I am still alive. So, who knows, maybe he was down there with me?' (my paraphrase). What?! Of course it matters if Jesus was divine or not! And did he think it was just a coincidence that he was still alive after praying that Jesus would save him? Honestly! Who are we serving if not the living God? Where is our hope is Jesus wasn't ressurected from the dead? What's the point of praying in Jesus' name if he were just a man? Eh?

What's worse is that there are people out there who actually believe all this nonsense. How could they? My friend Chelsea from church told me there was this program on a couple of days ago that actually exposed the Da Vinci code as a pack of lies, and it wasn't even a Christian or a Catholic who did the program. It was just a guy who was investgating it to see if it were true or not, so you can't say that the Church made this program to cover up once again the 'truth' of the code.

I'm sorry for being so angry, but I can't help it. They're dishonouring my God and I won't stand for it.

Me

Hi! Just thought today that I haven't really said anything about how I am for a while, and maybe you would want to know that. Well, the latest is that I'm slightly anaemic, my hands and feet are quite discoloured and I've got bruises on my hands, my sides, lower back and right shoulder. But otherwise I'm fine. I've been prescribed iron tablets by my GP and yes, I know iron tablets can cause constipation. It's nothing I can't handle. Em... Yeah, that's it. I'm going to see the Da Vinci Code tomorrow with Jonathan. Apparently it got bad reviews and journalists say that Tom Hanks' hair does all the acting, so that should be quite interesting. Oh, and speking of hair, mine has started to grow back - I think it's at a millimetre, but not all over my head quite yet.

That's all folks!

We Wrestle Not Against Flesh and Blood

More encouragement fot you:

"Fear not, Daniel: for from the first day that thou didst set thine heart to understand, and to chasten thyself before thy God, thy words were heard, and I am come for thy words. But the prince of the kingdom of Persia withstood me one and twenty days" (Dan. 10:12, 13).

We have wonderful teaching here on prayer, and we are shown the direct hindrance from Satan.

Daniel had fasted and prayed twenty-one days, and had a very hard time in prayer. As far as we read the narrative, it was not because Daniel was not a good man, nor because his prayer was not right; but it was because of a special attack of Satan.

The Lord started a messenger to tell Daniel that his prayer was answered the moment Daniel began to pray; but an evil angel met the good angel and wrestled with him, hindering him. There was a conflict in the heavens; and Daniel seemed to go through an agony on earth the same as that which was going on in the heavens.

"We wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers… against wicked spirits in high places" (Eph. 6:12, margin).

Satan delayed the answer three full weeks. Daniel nearly succumbed, and Satan would have been glad to kill him; but God will not suffer anything to come above that we "are able to bear."

Many a Christian's prayer is hindered by Satan; but you need not fear when your prayers and faith pile up; for after a while they will be like a flood, and will not only sweep the answer through, but will also bring some new accompanying blessing. --Sermon

Hell does its worst with the saints. The rarest souls have been tested with high pressures and temperatures, but Heaven will not desert them. --W. L. Watkinson

Season of Waiting

Woo! Here's some encouragement for me. I'm not here for no reason, just being prepared for the next phase. I knew that in my head, but I needed to be reminded. :-)

"And when forty years were expired, there appeared to him in the wilderness…an angel of the Lord...saying....now come, I will send thee into Egypt" (Acts 7:30-34).

Often the Lord calls us aside from our work for a season, and bids us be still and learn ere we go forth again to minister. There is no time lost in such waiting hours.

Fleeing from his enemies, the ancient knight found that his horse needed to be re-shod. Prudence seemed to urge him on without delay, but higher wisdom taught him to halt a few minutes at the blacksmith's forge by the way, to have the shoe replaced; and although he heard the feet of his pursuers galloping hard behind, yet he waited those minutes until his charger was refitted for his flight. And then, leaping into his saddle just as they appeared a hundred yards away, he dashed away from them with the fleetness of the wind, and knew that his halting had hastened his escape.

So often God bids us tarry ere we go, and fully recover ourselves for the next stage of the journey and work. --Days of Heaven upon Earth

Waiting! Yes, patiently waiting!
Till next steps made plain shall be;
To hear, with the inner hearing,
The Voice that will call for me.

Waiting! Yes, hopefully waiting!
With hope that need not grow dim;
The Master is pledged to guide me,
And my eyes are unto Him.

Waiting! Expectantly waiting!
Perhaps it may be today
The Master will quickly open
The gate to my future way.

Waiting! Yes, waiting! still waiting!
I know, though I've waited long,
That, while He withholds His purpose,
His waiting cannot be wrong.

Waiting! Yes, waiting! still waiting!
The Master will not be late:
He knoweth that I am waiting
For Him to unlatch the gate.
--J. D. Smith

Maybe... Just maybe...

Hello! Just to let you know that yesterday Dr Reed's registrar said that this next chemo cycle might be my last! Woohoo! Well, nothing's been confirmed, but she said that they'll seriously consider it.

Man, I'm going to be in such a sulky, bad mood if they say I still have to get four...

Instant Obedience

Here's a scary challenge from my devotions:

"In the selfsame day, as God had said unto him" (Gen. 17:23).

Instant obedience is the only kind of obedience there is; delayed obedience is disobedience. Every time God calls us to any duty, He is offering to make a covenant with us; doing the duty is our part, and He will do His part in special blessing.

The only way we can obey is to obey "in the selfsame day," as Abraham did. To be sure, we often postpone a duty and then later on do it as fully as we can. It is better to do this than not to do it at all. But it is then, at the best, only a crippled, disfigured, half-way sort of duty-doing; and a postponed duty never can bring the full blessing that God intended, and that it would have brought if done at the earliest possible moment.

It is a pity to rob ourselves, along with robbing God and others, by procrastination. "In the selfsame day" is the Genesis way of saying, "Do it now." --Messages for the Morning Watch

Luther says that "a true believer will crucify the question, 'Why?' He will obey without questioning." I will not be one of those who, except they see signs and wonders, will in no wise believe. I will obey without questioning.

"Ours not to make reply,
Ours not to reason why,
Ours but to do and die."

Obedience is the fruit of faith; patience, the bloom on the fruit. --Christina Rossetti

Muse

I love Muse. I love Muse. I love them, I love them, I LOVE them!!! Woohoo! I'm sooooooo happy they're finally releasing a new single. Phew! I can't wait for their new album to come out! It's going to be totally weird and amazing! Yey! They played in Dundee yesterday and I was totally gutted I missed them, but this lovely fansite has put all the songs they played yesterday on it and now I'm listening to them. I can pretend that they're playing just for me. :-D

I don't care what you say, Pete. They're the best band in my world!!

Blueberry Pancakes

Woohoo! I've finally gotten to the stage where my stomach's back to normal! Yey! My nausea lasted a few days longer this time, but that's ok. It's the best out of all side effects. :-) I'm off noodles because the other night they tasted so bad, it made me want to throw up. Blegh! Never EVER eat prawn flavoured instant noodles. Eugh! Anyway... I made some blueberry pancakes for breakfast yesterday. They were lovely. The mix Pete bought me really turned out some beautiful pancakes, which surprisingly tasted great with coffee flavoured ice cream. Go figure! Ok, I didn't have ice cream first thing in the morning. By the time the pancakes were ready, it was nearly noon...

Also, I finally got out the house today. Woohoo! Well, I thought it was going to be another slow day, with just a blood test and the bank to look forward to but I ended getting to have lunch with my mum and spend the afternoon with Marji. :-) It was really good with Marji actually because we basically just reminisced about the last five years and laughed at how silly, young and immature we were. We're probably still quite immature, I suppose, but it was nice looking back and seeing how much we had grown up. I think the nicest thing about it was looking back at the hardest times, especially over the last couple of years, and see that out of them came a lot of growth. And though those times were really difficult and really painful, I can look back now and be really thankful because they woke me up to the real world and made me grow up. It made me really positive about this whole cancer thing. Most of my online devotions over the last couple of weeks have been about how God brings difficulty to shape us into the 'most precious jewels'. Well, it was nice to be reminded of that truth by looking back over the last few years and just see the truth of that. I'm really thankful. Wonder what I'll be saying about the cancer in a year's time? Maybe I'll be too excited because I'll FINALLY be able to go to Japan?! Yey! I'll be so happy to finally get there. Haha!

It's so nice to be at this stage of the chemo cycle when I start to feel well and like me again. Phew! :-D

My tummy

Well, you'll be pleased to know that I didn't touch Gaviscon once today. Woohoo! I severely dislike the stuff and am not looking forward to having it as often the next time around. But that's ok, I guess. It is another two weeks away...

Today I've gone back to being insatiably hungry. I have spent only about two or three hours in total being satisfied and not "famished". I do have to correct myself for using the word "famished" because truly I do not know what famished could possibly mean, but regardless, that is how I felt. I didn't venture to make the pancakes today because I didn't crave them... Maybe I only want what I can't have? I don't know. This time I've really craved noodles and orange juice. I'm having noodles just now, but they're not as nice as the ones I want. You can only get those from Malaysia, so I'll just have to be content and have them in my dreams. I'm going to go buy orange juice tomorrow.

My taste buds have been so bizzare this time because I can't taste bread, water tastes minging and I really need strong tastes before my mouth is satisfied. Hope that doesn't last because it's ridiculous.

Well, I'm going to go and make these noodles more interesting because my mouth doesn't want to receive them just yet. Pfff...

So far so good!

Woohoo! Back to some colours. Black gets a bit boring after a while.

Anyway, I'm still ok. Just wanted to thank you all for continuing to pray for me. This time the worst of it was quite bad heartburn, but the nausea was tolerable. :-) I hope none of you ever get heartburn or have to take Gaviscon on a regular basis. It's not the nicest thing. And I'm not just taking Gaviscon because of the adverts, it's what they give us on the ward.

I'm still waiting for the car to take me to the hospital. I just hope I get there on time to get my blood test and meet Mim. I thought I'd be there by now and could meet her at 12, but nope, the car still isn't here. :-S I hope I'm not too late. Plus, I hope the stupid heartburn goes away so I can actually enjoy my lunch. Anyway, the fantastic thing is that tomorrow my tummy should be back to normal. Phew! I was hoping it'd be today, but I should just be patient I guess. I'm going to venture to make pancakes from the blueberry pancake mix Pete bought me. That'll be lovely. :-)

Car's here now. See you later!